A Fork In An Eye
by The Round Robin Ducklings
Summary: The pain of unrequited love is sometimes equal to that of a stabbing eating utensil in your orbital socket. A discovery of love, extreme pain & superb failings. 6 authors, one classic Lily&James fanfiction. 'Never Fear! Sirius Man is here.'
1. Of Rowdy Quidditch After Parties

**A FORK IN AN EYE**

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Hello all!  
This particular **Lily** and **James** fanfiction is a little something called a **Round Robin**: where a group of six experienced authors get together to write a fiction, with one catch: **we all write our own chapter. **With absolutely no control over how the following chapter will pan out, or how the next author will interpret what we write. No input will be allowed! No suggestions shall be made! No discussion shall take place! It's all up to the writer of the next chapter. Resulting in lots of laughs, sharp turns and unexpected twists of events for the readers: as well as the authors!

The author line up, who are known collectively as the **Round Robin Ducklings,** is as follows:

-Jestin  
-Procrastinator-starting2moro  
-Weird Not Boring  
-Daisy Pennifold  
-Drumer Girl  
-Celina Black

**We will loop in this order until the story is finished!**

If you're ready for a whole host of different talent, writing styles and gregarious fun, read on: we invite you to journey into our wild and extroverted world of **Lily and James** – from six different perspectives.  
Enjoy yourselves, leave a review, and most importantly, keep in mind that nothing is _ever _what it seems.

All events that take place in the following chapters are kept to a strict rating level of 13+.

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**Disclaimer:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

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Chapter One: **Of Rowdy Quidditch After-Parties** - By Jestin

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"And he dodges around Benforth– excellent swerve – and a nice strong throw there...But is it enough to make it? Keeper Jeffery dives and it looks like– No! Yes! Captain James Potter scores! 10 more for Gryffindor!"

The screams were deafening as James Potter did a victory lap around the pitch, punching the air. It was the first match of the season–if Gryffindor made it through this one…

"–they'll go through to play against Slytherin. And they're doing well – 60 points ahead of Hufflepuff, and captained for two consecutive years by Chaser James Potter...Those training sessions really have paid off for him, eh? Wait…Oh my! Gryffindor Seeker, Summers, has gone for the dive! She's streaking down the pitch there, the Hufflepuff seeker way behind her… this could be it for Gryffindor–"

The tension was so thick you could almost taste it. All the players had stopped in mid air – the Quaffle had been dropped, but no one bothered to catch it…James Potter was motionless, suspended on his broom, his hazel eyes narrowed.

_She has to make it. The first match… we'd make a stunning start to the season; my last year… And everyone's watching… including Lily._

All eyes were on the rapidly descending scarlet and yellow streaks –

"YES! Gryffindor has got the snitch! Such a start to the year! And what a game that was–we can be sure of some rowdy celebrations for the scarlet team tonight–"

O

"It'sh amazing it ish… I mean, there I am, shtreaking down–burning up the grassh–and wham!" James Potter swayed drunkenly, and clapped his hand on his thigh. "I get hit by a Bludger! My head wa'sh pounding–but I pulled through it, naturally." He raised his voice over the gramophone blaring in the corner of the Gryffindor common room, and pulled Remus's head up off his arms, whilst grinning reassuringly at the rest of his audience, which mainly consisted of girls.

"Remush…mate…Getsh up…the party hasn't even begun yet–"

"Prongs–it hurts, just shut up."

"Buts we need to impressh the ladies." James argued petulantly, winking at a pretty brunette.

"You go do it alone, I'll stay here." He moaned and curled up, clutching his head feverously, and knocked over a half-empty bottle of Firewhisky.

"Just take it – just take it away," he moaned, flinging a hand towards the bottle. "I don't think I can stand _looking_ at it anymore–let alone _drink_ it…."

James Potter swayed, looked down at his friend on the floor at the foot of the armchair, and managed to cast a disdainful look.

"You're pashthetic my man. Totally pashthetic."

Remus groaned, and so James wandered away from him and the others, surveying the scene. A large group of people was crowded around the coffee table, cheering at someone who was standing on it, gyrating to the music. On closer inspection, it turned out to be Sirius, who was swaying his hips in a rather alarming manner, and singing at the top of his voice. James chortled, and debated on joining him. But out of the corner of his eye, he saw a more attractive option. Lily Evans was sitting on the couch with about five others, wearing a Gryffindor scarf, and laughing at something.

"Aaah–Lily–you're sh'so beautishful." He stumbled towards her, grinning manically, his arms outstretched, and grasping at the air. "Lily–ohh Lily–you came and yooou went wishout taking, and I sh'sent you away. Oh Lily…." He raised his voice and sang out of tune, and she looked at him in alarm.

"Potter, what are you doing?"

"I'm serenading you with da shweet, sultry shound of my voice, Lily…Cos I need _you_…" His voice cracked as he strained to reach the high note, but then gave up, and jumped onto her lap instead. "Kissh me, Evans"

"Get _off_, Potter, you're drunk!"

"I'm fine, but not'sh as fine as you are…" He grinned and leaned towards her, his lips pursed into what he imagined was an attractive pout; and she shoved him.

"Get OFF!"

Her friends were in hysterics, but Lily looked disgusted, and was pushing James with all her might, who protested, and would not budge–he had grabbed obsessively onto her scarf and held on tightly.

"No–wait Lily, before you shend me away, don't you think it was about high time you admitted dat you s'love me too?"

She gasped for air, and turned red from his consistent yanking on the tightening scarf: or perhaps it was from something else.

"Potter–yo–you're gonna kill me!"

"No't–not kill you Lily, just kissh you. I thought you'd want to since we won the game–I won it jus' for you!"

However, as James leaned in towards a spluttering Lily for the second time, someone grabbed him from behind, yanked him backwards, and sent his arms flailing.

"Man, you're outta your mind. Sorry about that, Evans."

It was Sirius, who looked a little out of it himself; the crowd around the coffee table was booing at his sudden departure.

"Come on, James, let's get going."

James gave into submission, and allowed Sirius to steer him away from the couch and a gasping Lily who was massaging her throat.

"You shtoped me from kishing her!"

"No, I stopped _her_ from beating the hoola hoopout of _you_. Stay here with Summers. She'll look after you."

He deposited James next to a girl with long blonde hair, who was resting on the arm of the couch, and punched James on the shoulder reassuringly.

"Don't worry, James, it'll all be alright."

"Where you going?" asked James; and like a needy two year old, he grabbed Sirius's arm, and would not let go.

"I'm going back to dance."

"But–but Sirius–you know that white men can't dance'sh!"

However, Sirius wasn't listening. With prowess like many had never seen before, he detached himself from James's iron grasp, and sped away to his spectators, whom were all clapping and wolf whistling at his reappearance.

"He went." James sighed, and put his head on the girl's lap who opened her eyes, and started patting his head.

"It's okay–really."

"It'sh not okay–I want Evans."

The girl sighed, and flicked her long hair out of her face. "Honey, you ain't gonna get her. I'm afraid to say she hates your guts. You just need to get over it."

James put his hands on his head and groaned, as Remus had done earlier.

"It'sh hard, Laura–"

"Lucy."

James raised his head, looked at her and squinted.

"Lucy–where do I know you from?"

The girl laughed, unaffected. "Lucy Summers, Gryffindor seeker. Your team."

"Lucy!" James let out a yelp of ecstasy, and sat up to hug her. "You's were brilliant–winning catcsh! Sh'so, sh'so _proud_ of you!"

Lucy laughed again, "Most people are. I'm resting from their jubilation over here. It was getting a bit much to be lunged at all the time out of pure joy."

She detached James's hands off her waist, which he was hugging in pure joy, and chuckled. "You see, I told you that you could forget about Evans. You just need to let your mind slip more often!"

James looked up at her, astonished. Suddenly he let out a yelp. "You'sh right! You'sh right!" He jumped off the sofa swiftly (but rather unsteadily), winked, and grabbed Lucy's hand, who was looking thoroughly bewildered at the rapid movement.

"Let'sh go Lauren!"

"It's Lucy…Where're we going?"

James grinned, and dragged her towards the portrait hole, stumbling over a groaning Remus who had been joined by a moaning Peter, and the now-empty Firewhisky bottle on the floor.

"You'll sh'ee!"

And she did see. Actually, quite a few people saw, including Lily, when she set off to go to the girls' bathroom to inspect her red throat ten minutes later.

"Potter!"

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**Authors Notes**:

Hey, this is Jestin, and I'm very pleased, (and extremely privileged!) to have done the first chapter in such a project with 5 great and talented girls! I can personally guarantee that the proceeding ones will be fantastic.

**About the Chapter:** J.K said that James was a Chaser (not a seeker) for Gryffindor in the Red Nose Day Interview some time ago, and yes, in Hogwarts they do have gramophones. Slughorn has one, plus look at Remus and the swing music in PoA movie. Also, the song that James was singing was "Mandy", before it was re-done by Westlife. Eurgh.

**The Next Chapter:** The next installment, which will be done by the brilliant Procrastinator-starting2moro, shall certainly have a lot of surprises...and not only for the characters ;-D! Expect the unexpected! CONSTANT VILIGERANCE!

Review! Put us on your Author Alert List! Be a brilliant Fanfiction Citizen!

Best, Jestin


	2. For Grabbing Boobs Will Prevent Falling

**Authors note: **Hi, this chapter's been written by me, author _Procrastinator-starting2moro_. Sorry about the delay, there were many problems with the beta. Forgive us Round Robin Ducklings?How can you not with a pen name like that, eh? Anywho, the next Chapter 4 is written by the wonderful author _Weird Not Boring_. Please read and review. Consider it an early Christmas present to us ;)

**Chapter 2- Because grabbing on to boobs will stop you falling**

Lily Evans' neck was swelling: or so she claimed. Her neck was the victim of James Potter's drunken scarf strangling. And this was one of her only body features which she usually did not feel self-conscious about, as many people said it was a very slender neck – but now it was anything but. It was bulging, red, and looked highly unattractive.

She would give Potter his _own_ personal neck bruise.

But just before she went to inspect the _probable_ permanent scarring on her skin, she watched out of the corner of her eye as James appeared to be exiting the common room with a bewildered Lucy Summers in tow. This looked highly suspicious.

It was in Lily's nature to be skeptic about any Marauder, but the second she saw James leaving the common room, she automatically knew she'd follow him.

"But that's what Potter wants you to do," Lily said aloud to herself, as the music blared around her.

"Who wants to _do_ who?" Sirius asked, his wad of black hair tumbling into her face as he was pushed along by some very hyperactive dancers.

"Nothing, Black."

"No, seriously, who's doing who?"

"Nobody's _doing_ anybody!"

"Tha'sh wha' you think." Sirius quirked an eyebrow, then made a very seductive, hip-swinging walk as he followed a tall brunette, then consequently fell headfirst into the cushions of a common room chair.

Ignoring that particularly odd scene, Lily continued back to the subject of the four-eyed, no good doer.

"There can't really be anything going on between Potter and Lucy, right?" she asked herself.

"Who's going on top of who?" a voice slurred.

"For Merlin's sake, I have to stop talking to myself!"

Lily stormed off, leaving Peter Pettigrew to ponder in his rat-arsed condition. The boy was thinking he was blind drunk after having a bottle of Firewhiskey, when really it had been water with the slight added spoonful of apple juice.

"That's the stuff," Peter said, taking another gulp of his fruit drink.

Lily put a lot of emphasis on 'storming off', even though it was really only winding her way through the sweaty, dancing bodies of the Gryffindor common room. It was then that she spotted Remus Lupin snoozing lightly in an arm chair.

Instead of letting the poor soul sleep, she thrust two pointed fingers at his eyelids which caused him to give a great yelp and leap from his seat, as fast as humanly possible when you are smashed.

"For the last time, Padfoot, I don't want to belly dance," he mumbled, sitting back down again as he squinted his eyes open. "Sirius, is your hair on fire? It looks strikingly more red than usual."

Lily shook her head disapprovingly, rolling her eyes at the empty bottle of Firewhiskey at his feet. "You better hope Black spiked your drink, Lupin. Honestly, you're a prefect!"

"Haven't you been drinking too? And you're Head girl."

Lily looked at him, a little dazed. "I am?" she slurred, that bottle of what she thought was mild 'butterbeer' slightly going to her head. "Oh-wait, of course I am!" She slapped her forehead in stupidity, a little too hard but enough to shake her into sobriety. "Yes...Did you just see your friend Potter _strut_ out the room with Summers? Did you? _Really, Lupin, did you?_"

Remus rubbed his eyes tiredly. "Who, now...? What?...And where?"

"Potter and Summers!" Lily repeated, more impatiently. "Aren't you going to _stop _them? _Stop them? Stop them_."

"You're repeating yourself," Remus stated, trying to keep his head in an upright position. "You do realise that, don't you?"

"Did you _just_ see him, though? _Strutting_ out of the common room with Summers! The nerve of that boy. _The nerve!_ They can't be romantically involved because they're both on the Quidditch team, for goodness sake. How bloody stupid is that Niffler dung brain of his? What kind of example is he setting for the younger students, swashbuckling off with girls! He's _head boy!_ How could he be so _irresponsible_ and _inconsiderate_ to- Remus? _Remus!_ Are you even listening to me?"

A monstrous snore confirmed that he wasn't.

Lily scowled. "Jeez, inebriated people..."

Before stopping herself with sensible second thoughts, she made her way through the portrait of the Fat Lady and ignored the calling shouts from her friends.

O

"James, when you said we were 'going for fresh air', this wasn't what I had in mind."

"C'mon, L-...Li-"

Lucy shook her head at the incorrect prefixes he was using in an attempt to say her name.

"La-"

Lucy shook her head again.

"Lu-cy?" he said uncertainly.

"Wow, got it in twenty guesses."

James tried straightening his glasses which kept moving out of place, no matter how much he pushed them against the bridge of his nose. "Another game? Two out of three, c'mon, I shwear, I get'sh better as I go along."

Lucy rolled her eyes and rested her elbow on the Astronomy tower wall. "I'm not playing Thumb War with you anymore. Where did you even get that weird game from?"

"Shwa Sh'muggles do for fun."

"Good for them," Lucy said dryly.

"Dy'a think Evan'sh saw me leaving with shoo? Do you think Evan'sh is shealous?"

Lucy sighed and touched a hand sympathetically to his arm, putting on a wide smile that made James think whatever was coming next would be positive.

"She hates your guts," Lucy explained, in a slow tone for the boy to understand. "She wants to gorge out your eyes and use them as those pretty collective marbles you can get."

"I had one of those. Sh'was purple. Shirius sh'ate it."

"Good for him," Lucy said, rather dryly again. "Just let your mind slip, James. Just look at this night. Look at the stars." She gestured her hand towards the sky of sparkling twilight as both of them upturned their heads.

"Isn't it beautiful?" she asked him.

"Sh'is."

"Can you not speak normally? I'm a little tipsy but at least I'm not adding 'sh' to the beginning of words."

"Sh-"

"Never mind ," Lucy muttered. "Oh, look!" She straightened up as she spotted a shooting star flying across the sky. She turned her head to look at James, and guessed he was mesmerised by it, judging from his slightly gaping mouth and floppy tongue.

"Sparkly green eyes..." he mumbled.

Lucy ignored the odd comment. "Make a wish, then."

James closed his eyes childishly; no mature thoughts coming into his brain at the particular moment and everything magnified hundred times more fun and exciting than it actually was. He finally opened his eyes again though they were squinting in haziness.

"Did you wish the same thing I did?" Lucy asked huskily.

James gaped. "Shoo wished about pudding too?"

"Er, pudding?" she said confusedly, which eventually evolved into a suspicious leer. "Your wish didn't have anything to do with Evans, did it?"

"Sh'no."

"You either said 'no' or 'snow', and I highly doubt it was the latter."

James tried poking her in the chest childishly but missed her by a couple of feet, hitting Lucy's twin which only he could see. This was because she wasn't actually real and only appeared when you very much drunk and had very much blurry eyesight.

"Hows shoo know? I coulda been talkin' bout shnow."

"You wished for Evans, didn't you?"

"With minimal clothing."

Lucy sighed. "And where does pudding come into it?" she asked.

James bowed his head embarrassingly. "She was covered in pudding..."

This somehow didn't surprise Lucy. "Just forget about her, James. Think how beautiful this night is." She tried again to steer his mind away from the Head Girl. "Don't you just love stargazing?"

"You remind me of those bloody centaurs," James teased.

They both lifted their heads up to the sky again, but James did it a little too suddenly for him to cope with.

"Ooo, too much stargazing makes you woozy..." he mumbled, wailing his arms in the air as he reached out for something to grab a hold of to prevent a drunken fall.

"James, you're holding on to my boobs."

"Sorry, if I let go I'll fall over," he said truthfully.

"I've heard that line too many times from Sirius Black."

"No, I'm not lying," James protested. He let go of Lucy for a second and she watched as he genuinely fell back, unable to stand on his own. She quickly grabbed on to his shoulders to pull him forward but did this a little too strongly, whether the intention to was hard to work out.

"You don't have sparkly green eyes," James mumbled drowsily, round orbs barely inches away from his as their faces hovered near to one another.

"Nope, they're blue."

James observed her again, "And you don't have soft red hair."

"Naturally blonde, I'm afraid," she murmured.

James groaned painfully, "I feel like I'm gonna hurl..."

Lucy took this available and 'romantic' moment to lunge towards James and kiss him.

"_Crap_."

Lily tumbled into the Astronomy tower, just as James and Lucy broke apart. James looking thoroughly bewildered to why his mouth had been lip attacked, and Lucy looking shy and flustered,

"Lily? Sh'that shoo?"

She really didn't know why she was feeling so shocked. She'd expected witnessing some kind of kissing action, but seeing it in the flesh was somehow too hard for her to handle. She'd even thought up a very menacing telling-off speech for James' behaviour whilst walking the corridors to find him. The speech including phrases of 'moronic', insensible' and 'gormless', with the old classic back up remark of 'I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid', just in case he tried hitting on her again.

Right now, her mind was blank.

She wasn't really bothered by the image of Lucy dipping her tongue into James' mouth. She was more bothered by the fact that she was upset about James kissing another girl. _Kissing any other girl_.

"Er, I'm sorry," Lily fumbled shakily. Heating in the face, she swiveled around and quickly ran from the scene, wishing she would have just jumped of the Astronomy Tower to her gratifying death instead of dying of humiliation.

"Lily!" James called out, quickly letting go of Lucy to search after the red head.

Drunken people cannot search; they can barely remember where they live. However, they can be searched after by clear-headed people. That is why whenever a game of Hide and Seek is played with alcohol, the barely sober person is always 'it', and has to hide, and Remus Lupin ends up having to find Sirius Black who's trying to hump the Whomping Willow.

But that's another story for another day.

"Lil...li...l-"

James stumbled, falling face flat into the Astronomy Tower floor.

"Oh poop," he mumbled, before blacking out.

O

James was very aware that his Head Boy's Dorm felt rather drafty...And birds were squawking? _Birds were indeed squawking_. Unless he wasn't corrected, his dormitory hadn't been converted into an owlry...lately.

The second he opened his eyes, he immediately thought he was being raped in the Astronomy Tower. Of course, what other indications would you get from a group of chortling second year males with the same look of childish, prank-driven thoughts?

"What are you doing?" James shrieked, wincing at his projected voice that made his head throb. He cried out as a long black haired boy, looking like a younger version of Sirius Black, pulled on his trouser leg, whilst two others were now holding in their arms: his shirt, a sock and his shoes. "What are you bloody doing, oompa loompa? Le'go of my trousers!"

Wrestling with the twelve year old proved to be unsuccessful, screeching as a boy with dark hair, hazel eyes with glasses helped the boy pull off the remaining trouser leg.

"Sorry, mate. Pranking purposes, I'm afraid," the mini-James Potter apologized, but obviously not with full meaning as he grinned quite freakishly.

"What? But-you-HEY, where are you going?" James yelled, trying to stand, presently quite naked in only boxers, but only faltered again as his eyesight blurred from his current and painful hangover. "Where are you oompa loompa's going? Give me back my clothes! I'm head boy!"

The second years snickered as they ran off giggling, James' clothes clutched tightly in their arms.

"Oi! _OI!_"

The light haired boy glanced back, looking apologetic and guilty, as the rest of the boys ran off ahead.

James breathed a sigh of relief, noticing the boy's weakness. . "Please, kid, just give me my trousers at least," he begged.

"ROB, C'MON!"

The boy flinched at the sound of his name being called, made another apologetic shrug, and tossed James... a shoe.

"No! NO-WAIT!" James tried scrambling to his feet, trying to follow the boy. But he predictably sat down again, head aching and in desperate need for some headache pills.

_A sodding shoe._

In frustration, James hurled the shoe away from him, unfortunately over the Astronomy Tower wall.

"No! NO-DAMMIT! Crap! Bugger!" James wailed, watching the shoe fall to the ground. "I liked that shoe..."

In desperation, rather chilly in his tight boxers and nakedness, he staring searching the ground, feeling his hands over the nooks and crannies of the floor.

"C'mon, invisibility cloak! Be here! BE HERE!"

James had clearly gone insane. Looking for his invisibility cloak that was not only hard to find because it was invisible, but also which was not even in the Astronomy tower, as it was currently wrapped around the shoulders of Sirius Black who wore it as a cape whilst tipsy and playing the role of a muggle super hero.


	3. In Which Hangovers Take Over the World

**_A/N: Hello All! It is I, Weird Not Boring, writing to you from deep in the heart of the California Suburbs. A dangerous place, I know. I am currently jumping up and down happily because of how early I get to get this out. And because I am immensely proud of this next chapter (mine, in case you were wondering). But, if you aren't as immensely proud of this chapter as I am, (or even if you are!) Never Fear_****_! Because next chapter is Daisy Penifold's turn. And, trust me, hers is one you don't want to miss._**

**_Oh! I'd like to take a moment to thank whoever BETA'd this. I don't know your name, but I knowyou're a friend of a friend of Jestin's. So, Thank You! Whoever you are, this chapter is dedicated to you. _**

**_But enough of my rambling. Onto the story! (And please, Read and Review!)_**

_In Which Hangovers Take Over the World_

"ZOOM, ZOOM!" Sirius exclaimed, rushing around the common room, James's invisibility cloak clutched firmly in his hands. Of course, no one else could see the cloak, so from the front, it just looked like he was clutching at nothing.

He 'flew' over to a gaggle of fourth years running out of the portrait hole. "What seems to be troubling you, youngsters?" Sirius asked, placing his hands on his hips triumphantly.

Before one of them could answer, Sirius quickly assured, "Never fear! Sirius-Man is here! Duhn duhduh DUUUUHN!" He gestured around the air wildly as if he was fighting an invisible foe - of course, he was still tipsy, so he probably thought he _was_ fighting an invisible foe.

He stood triumphantly, finished 'fighting', awaiting their thanks. The fourth years gawked at him weirdly, and then raced out the portal.

"No problem, kind citizens! Saving the day - erm, a hero's - um, three men, no, um . . ." Sirius scratched at his skull for a moment, his inebriated brain not working enough to think of a catchy slogan. He settled for, "You're welcome!"

He looked around, satisfied, and then went back to his 'flying'.

"ZOOM!" He tripped over a first year and fell down flat on his face. "SUPER HERO DOWN!" Sirius yelled. A third year walking down the stairs took one glimpse of the scene and ran back up the same stairs she had just walked down. "Super . . . hero . . ."

Sirius sat up unsteadily, "Ow, my head hurts." he muttered, and, without any flourish, fell back and passed out in the middle of the Gryffindor common room.

--------

"Miss Evans!" the third year exclaimed banging on the door of the 7th years dormitory. "Miss Evans!" Tired of standing outside, the third year rushed into the room, only to find the esteemed Head Girl soundly asleep.

"Miss Evans!" The third year cried, shaking Lily awake. "Miss Evans! Wake up!"

"Mehhhhh," Lily mumbled, turning over and squinting at the third year. "Leave me alone."

"But, Sirius Black!"

"5 more minutes."

"No, you have to get up now before Professor McGonagall comes and sees the mess downstairs!" In desperation, the third year pulled off the covers of Lily's bed. "I'm sorry, Miss Evans, but you have to wake up!"

Lily rubbed her eyes, and then opened them fully. "Okay, what's so important that you have to wake me up at 8 am?"

"Sirius Black is passed out in the common room, along with some others, there's a mess _everywhere_, and if McGonagall came right now, we'd never be able to have any parties ever again!"

Lily tried sitting up. "Ugh! I knew he spiked the butterbeer," she moaned, holding her head. She turned to the third year. "You don't happen to have a hangover remedy potion with you, do you?"

The third year shook her head. "Sorry."

"It's okay," Lily said, more of her Head Girl personality coming to her as she became more awake.

"Okay, bye," the third year said, rushing out of the room.

"What the . . . ?" Lily said, holding her head again. "I knew I shouldn't have drunk that butterbeer."

Lily hoisted herself out of bed, slowly, as everything seemed very dizzy all of a sudden, and slowly limped over to the girl's secret medicine cabinet.

Lily rummaged threw the cabinet, throwing bottles out as she went along, "Nyquil . . . Allegra . . . birth control pills . . .oh, wow, this is old . . . aha!" Lily pulled out a large jar of a thick, goopy potion. "Hangover remedy!" Lily showed the bottle proudly to . . . no one, before clutching her head again with her free hand. "Ow, headache."

With much frustration and effort, Lily managed to unscrew the cap, and, in doing so, unleashed the foul odor that came with the hangover remedy.

"Ugh," Lily said, holding her nose. "I'd forgotten how awful this smells."

She brought the potion up to her mouth, and with a wince, drank two large gulps of it.

Suddenly, her headache was cured. "Oh, thank Merlin," Lily said. "I can think again."

All at once, all the memories of what happened last night hit her with full force. "Oh, Merlin," Lily said. And, in a brisk run, Lily ran down the stairs to the Gryffindor common room. Potter was dead meat.

----------------

"Here invisibility Cloak-ey, Cloak-ey, Cloak-ey!" James Potter sat in the middle of the astronomy tower in all his near-naked glory. "Come to Jamsie!"

In his now delusional state, (partly because of the fact he had now frozen to the floor, and partly because some time during his frantic searching, he had remembered what had happened last night, and was now in so much grief he couldn't think properly) he thought his cloak would actually come if he called it.

Therefore, he had spent the last five minutes calling his cloak. "Here Cloak-ey! Come on Cloak-ey!" James cooed.

"Cloak-ey!" Cloak-ey?" James, now realizing he was fully alone and that his beloved Cloak-ey wasn't coming, gave up on his search and began to think of ways to get down from the astronomy tower as unseen as possible.

Now, if he could only get his thighs unfrozen . . .

--------

Remus Lupin was now fully awake. And, being fully awake, could fully understand the dreadfulness of the situation.

If only he could remember what the situation was.

He knew there was a party last night, and he knew sometime during the party he had gotten drunk . . . but why was he wearing a belly dancer costume?

"Padfoot?" Remus asked aloud, not being able to see the mischief-maker anywhere.

"Padfoot? Where are you?" Remus stood up, wobbling, and looked around a little before spotting his friend lying face-first in the ground.

"Padfoot?" Remus stepped over a few passed-out Gryffindors and made his way over to his unconscious friend. "Padfoot, if McGonagall or Lily doesn't kill you, you can be sure I will."

Sirius let out a large snore. Remus rolled his eyes.

Remus turned Sirius over, and found James' invisibility cloak wedged under him.

"Why do you have James's invisibility cloak, Sirius?" Remus asked. Sirius snored again.

Remus pulled the invisibility cloak out. "But if you had it, and now I have it, that means James doesn't have it," Remus said, his thought process still slow from the fire whiskey.

"And if James doesn't have it, then -" But Remus couldn't finish his thought because, at that moment, four little boys walked in clutching at different clothes. The one in the front clutched at a shirt, while the blonde-haired person in the back clutched at a shoe and trousers. Trousers that looked unmistakably like James's.

"Hey! Kids! Where did you get those clothes?" The boys paused. And, with a shock, Remus realized they looked very much like him, James, Sirius and Peter did at that age.

"We took 'em off this kid in the astronomy tower," The one that looked like Peter said proudly. The boy next to him hit him.

"Idiot! That's Remus Lupin!"

"Run for it!" The boy that looked like Sirius said, and all four took off for their dormitory.

"Bugger," Remus said. "Now I'll have to go find him."

And with that, Remus stood up, off to find his near-naked friend before he did anything stupid.

------------------

Lily ran down the stairs, taking them two at a time. Once she made it into the common room, she caught a glimpse of someone just leaving through the portrait. Lily rushed over; however, in her haste, she failed to see the unconscious Sirius Black in her way. She tripped and landed flat on her face.

She jumped back up, "There's my blonde moment for the day," she muttered, and while brushing herself off, looked at her surroundings in order to see what else she should avoid . . . and to see if anyone saw her trip.

There were empty firewhiskey and butterbeer bottles and plastic goblets everywhere. All the couches were occupied by an obviously passed-out person, as well as some of the carpet,

"Ugh," Lily said, wiping her hands on her pajamas. Wait . . . her pajamas?

"Bugger," Lily said, and, in a brisk run again, ran back up the stairs, taking them two at a time, threw her robes on, and raced back downstairs.

The mess only got worse the second time.

"The girl wasn't exaggerating," Lily said, stepping over the unconscious people on her way out, "McGonagall is going to throw a fit."

She made it out the portrait-hole, happily imagining ways that McGonagall would punish Black and Potter, when she spotted him.

And the first thought that popped into her head was, "Why is Remus Lupin wearing a belly-dancer costume?"


	4. In Which James Tries Something New

_A/N: Sorry this is so late, everyone! We had a deuce of a time finding a beta. I hope you like it – I've had so much fun working with my fellow ducklings! **drumer girl **is the author for chapter five, and I'm sure you're looking forward to it as much as I am! - Daisy_

Chapter Four: In Which James Tries Something New - **_Daisy Pennifold_**

"Thank Merlin for magic," Lily remarked, and Remus agreed with a snort as they sunk into a now-empty common room sofa. After several hours of hard work, they had managed to levitate or prod their incapacitated classmates into their beds, and clean up the common room, with the help of Peter and one Lucy Summers, whom Lily was trying her hardest to be friendly to, as she really wasn't a bad sort. James and Sirius were completely out of commission. James, having caught a bad cold on the Astronomy Tower, was nursing a bottle of Pepper-Up Potion, and Sirius was happily arguing with his bed, which he had named Zaphod Beeblebrox at some point during the morning.

"MISS EVANS!" Screeched a shrill Scottish voice outside of the portrait hole, and Lily opened it to find a beet-faced Professor McGonagall glaring at her.

"Yes, Professor?"

"Mr. Filch and many of the portraits complained to me this morning about the noise in this corridor last night. When I attempted to enter your common room, I found the Fat Lady missing. She came to me this morning and said that after 15 rounds of "We are the Champions," she couldn't take it anymore and skived off. How much damage did you DO last night? I trusted you to hold a responsible party and…"

"I can assure you, Professor, that nothing untoward happened. The common room is back to normal, everyone is accounted for, and we had the juniors in their dorms by midnight. I do apologize for the noise, but well, you know, we're in the running for the Cup, now," Lily shrugged sheepishly, watching as McGonagall's eyes lit up. She had said the magic word.

"You're right Miss Evans. What's a little noise when the Cup is on the line? Must keep up morale and high spirits. I should have known to trust you to keep everything under control. Good show. Relax and enjoy your Sunday, then."

"Yes ma'am." Lily shut the portrait hole, leaned against the back and sighed.

"And here I thought only Potter could manipulate our Head that way," Sirius said, having just bounced down the boys' staircase, looking bright and chipper. Sirius _never _seemed to have a hangover.

"I wouldn't have HAD to talk her down if you lot had tried to control yourselves even the slightest bit last night," Lily bit back.

"Oh, Lils, come on! I saw you leading the Conga line twice. I _know _you had a good time. No one parties like a Gryffindor!" Sirius slung his arm around her and walked her back to the sofa, and sat her in-between himself and Remus.

"I thought you were talking to Zaphod," Remus said, peering around Lily to look at Sirius.

"Who? Mate, did you have a bit much to drink last night?"

Remus groaned and passed his hand over his eyes, as Lily tried not to giggle.

"So, Lils, I heard you and Jimmy had a bit of a snafu on the Astronomy Tower last night. Care to elaborate?"

"Don't call me Lils, Black, honestly! I've told you a thousand times. Anyway, nothing happened. He could barely walk straight, so I followed to make sure he wasn't going to fall off the tower or something. When I saw he was with someone, I left him alone."

"Uh-huh," Sirius said skeptically, raising an eyebrow at her. Remus picked up the book he was reading and attempted to ignore the conversation.

"I'm not interested in Potter, Black, I'm sorry. It just isn't going to happen."

"Come _on_, Lily! What's it going to take for me to put you in a James Potter today?"

"What are you, a used car salesman?"

"A what?"

"Never _mind_. The fact is, the only reason James shows any interest in me, is because I show none at all in him. His idea of romance is _strangling_ me with my own scarf while he breathes fire whiskey all over me. When he starts paying attention to _me_, instead of showing off for the rest of the school, I'll consider him. Not that _that _will ever happen." With that, Lily grabbed her satchel and headed for the library. Sirius looked at Remus hopelessly.

"He doesn't have a chance, does he, mate?"

Remus sighed and looked up from his reading.

"Syr, you listen about as well as he does. If he starts paying attention to her, learning about her, attempting to please her, instead of showing off, he'll have a chance."

"What did you have in mind?" James sprawled over the back of the couch, having heard Lily's last remark. His face was pale, despite the steam still emerging from his ears due to the Pepper-Up Potion. "I mean, showing off is what I _do. _What do I say?"

"Do you see this book?"

"Yes, Remus, but I don't see-"

"This is actually a play, called _Cyrano de Bergerac._ This guy, Cyrano, is in love with a woman, who thinks that she is in love with someone else. He helps this guy Christian win her by telling him what to say and write, because Christian's a good looking bloke but a bit of a clod."

"Why doesn't Cyrano go after her himself? That's what I would have done."

"I know, James, and that's why you and Lily aren't dating. You aren't thinking of her. Cyrano put Roxane first."

"That and he had a huge schnozz and thought she'd reject him," piped up Peter, flinging himself into an armchair. The others looked at him in awe.

"What? I'm not short, fat, ugly, _and_ stupid. I _do _read, you know."

"Anyway, Moony, what's your point? I'm not ugly, I don't need a front man," James replied, bemusedly.

"No, arse, you _need_ a Cyrano. Someone to tell you how to act and what to say, so that you quit making a prat out of yourself every time Evans is in the room," Sirius said. "Remus is right. You're as thick as they come, when it comes to Evans."

"Alright, Remus, you're my Cyrano. What do I say? How do I act? What do I do, man?" James jumped up and started tugging at his hair. Remus stretched up and smacked him on the head.

"Snap out of it, Potter! Damn, you're a pain in the arse! Ok, listen. First, make her laugh."

"That's easy, I make everyone laugh."

"Everyone except Evans," Peter said. "She just scowls at you."

"Oh. Right. How do I make _her_ laugh?"

"Make fun of yourself, mate. It will make you look less arrogant, and she'll definitely find it funny." Sirius said this with his head on the floor, all the blood rushing to his head as he bicycled his legs in the air.

"He's right, Prongs. Then, when you've got her laughing, say something like," Remus picked up the play and started flipping through it. " 'Who knows her smile has known a perfect thing', and then _leave_ before you do something even stupider than you normally do."

James jumped over the back of the sofa and shoved himself between Sirius and Remus, glaring around at his friends.

"You all don't seem to think much of my chances. And that _line_ is stupid. Why should I do this anyway?"

"It can't make things any worse, mate, and who knows, she might like it," said Peter. "She's in the library. I saw her go in on my way past. You should try it out."

"Alright, alright. You're right, Pete. I've got nothing to lose." James got up, desperately attempting to flatten his hair, and made his way through the portrait hole. His three friends looked at each other before slowly shaking their heads.

"Not a chance in hell," said Remus, and the others nodded as he returned to his book.

* * *

"Oh, hi, Lily," James said nonchalantly as he walked past her table in the library.

"Potter," Lily greeted warily, and then raised her eyebrows a bit as he kept walking and disappeared in the stacks. She went back to revising her Transfiguration essay, a bit confused at his casual attitude.

Several minutes later, James strolled up to her table with a book in hand.

"Mind if I sit here? Only all the other tables are being used. I promise I won't bother you," he said. Lily looked even more confused.

"Uh, sure, Pot-, uh, James. Sit down." She moved some of her belongings to make room for him.

They sat in silence for ten minutes or so, but James' obvious dedication to the book he was immersed in was very disconcerting to Lily, who was used to his constant chatter and flirting. She couldn't stand it any longer.

"So, Potter, are you feeling better? I heard sleeping on the Astronomy Tower bare arse naked in the middle of February somehow gave you a bit of a cold. Imagine," she said, grinning.

James, instead of scowling, grinned back.

"Yeah, a bit chilly, that. Lucky I passed out face down, or my naughty bits would have frozen off. No little Potters in my future," he said ruefully, wincing a bit at the idea. Lily laughed out loud at the look on his face, and then covered her mouth as she continued to giggle, for fear of alerting the librarian.

James smiled at her. "Who knows her smile has known a perfect thing," he said, rising from the table.

"_Cyrano de Bergerac_? Have you read it?" said Lily eagerly.

"No," replied James, "But I think I'm going to." With that, he left the library, smiling innocently as he passed McGonagall on the way out. Lily stared at his back, mouth open in astonishment.

* * *

That evening, Peter and Sirius were playing a brutal game of Gobstones as Remus finished his book, with James attempting to read over his shoulder. The other boys were all suitably impressed by James' 'suavity', as Sirius put it, and Remus promised to help him with more tips for the next time he and Lily spoke.

They weren't prepared, however, for Lily to hop lightly through the portrait hole and walk right over to James. Sirius and Peter looked up from their game, and Remus put the book down. She smiled nervously and said, "Meet me at 10:30 in the Great Hall, next Saturday, Potter. We're going to Hogsmeade."

"Li- uh, um..I…"

"Evans, I think he means, next weekend isn't a Hogsmeade weekend."

"I know, Black. Potter and I- wait, why am I talking to you? James, we need to get some supplies for the dueling club McGonagall and Flitwick are starting. They want breast plates, wand holsters, gauntlet gloves, all kinds of gear. Since we're Heads, McGonagall asked me to shop for her, and told me to bring you along. Can you make it?"

"Sure, sure, I can make it!" James said, a bit too eagerly. Lily rolled her eyes, and Remus elbowed James in the chest to calm him down.

"Don't stay up too late, boys. Good night," said Lily, and retired to her dormitory. James looked round at his friends.

"What the bloody hell am I going to do?" The other boys looked at him sadly, Remus patting him consolingly on the head.

_More Authors Notes: _

_Queen released "We are the Champions" in 1977. The Marauders and Lily were in their Seventh Year for 1977-1978, so I'm assuming this song is out, new, and loved by the muggle-born students._

_The line from Cyrano de Bergerac is written by Edmond Rostand, translated by Brian Hooker._

_If you want to read more about Lucy Summers, I've used her (with Jestin's kind permission) in a story of my own, **The Pendragon Wager, **__available through my author page._

_Many, many thanks to our new beta, Thoth. Thanks for the suggestions. Don't be offended if I didn't take all of them, please! Some of my grammar 'mistakes' were done deliberately, but the song catch was an important one for me! ;-) -Daisy_


	5. In Which Lily Sleeps a Little Too Long

**Chapter Five:** In which Lily sleeps a _little_ too long  
Written by **drumer girl**

* * *

**The Round Robin Ducklings thank:** Thoth, for being a _brilliant _newbeta, and not being scared off by the rabid authors, and the readers - who never fail to review.Mucho Gracis!

* * *

"I've got it! I've got it!" Sirius exclaimed, early Saturday morning. 

No one answered.

Sirius tapped his foot impatiently, glaring at their unknowing faces. "If you don't wake up this instant, I will personally dump ice down all of your backs!"

That got their attention.

"You've got what, Padfoot?" Remus asked groggily.

All four Marauders had stayed up late the previous night, trying to work out a plan for James. Over the past couple days he had become a nervous wreck, and couldn't even go one conversation without bringing up the 'Lily' problem. Everyone was getting quite annoyed.

Sirius sprung from his four poster and bounded across the room to James' bed, then proceeded to jump on top of him and scream at the top of his lungs.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL!" James flailed under his covers and kicked Sirius in the back of the knees; making him soar off the bed. (Remus found this rather hilarious and also fell off his bed; though he did it somewhat more gracefully.)

"I have a plan, James! I have a plan!" Sirius uttered painfully from the floor.

"Oh. Sorry, Padfoot."

"That's ok, Prongs." He smiled like a maniac. (It was a bit strange to tell the truth.)

"Good. Now that that's settled; you can tell us what you bloody woke us up for," Remus said with a growl.

In the background Peter snored loudly.

"Why don't you calm down a bit, Remus?" Sirius glared in his direction. "Anyyyyway; this is the most brilliant idea that I've had, since I had that one idea about going to the Hog's Head last month!" Remus and James shuddered. That had not gone well.

"Well, in that case, Padfoot, I'm going to have to go back to sleep and cast a silencing charm on my bed," Remus said, in his best 'I'm a werewolf so you should back off' voice.

He then turned to lie down, but, not surprisingly, Sirius had expertly jumped across the room, (the dog in him resurfaced), and had latched onto Remus' back.

"Reemuss! Pleeease listen to my idea! I promise it's good!" Sirius put on his infamous puppy dog face, whilst Remus tried to shove him off of the bed.

"Fine. But it BETTER be good; or else!"

"Yay! Ok; here's the plan…"

----

Lily groaned at the shouts from across the hall. When would those boys learn that they DID live with other people, and that those other people valued their sleep?

She pulled the hangings back and groped for her wand, which rested on her bedside table.

"Lumos. Ahh, perfect."

Conveniently, she had the bed nearest the door. All she had to do was sit up in bed, move the door aside and WHAM! Shoot a silencing charm across the common room and onto the boy's door.

"I love magic," she whispered, as she rolled over and fell straight back asleep; completely unaware of what time it was.

----

James passed the Entrance Hall impatiently. Lily should have met with him ten minutes ago; and she was _never_ late. Sirius was trying to calm him down.

"Aurgh! I just can not win with her! We're not even going on a date and she's stood me up!"

"James; she has not stood you up. She's hardly even that late!" Sirius sighed, exasperated.

"But she's NEVER late, Padfoot!"

"Come on, Prongs. She would not stand you up for a Head duty."

"Fine. You're right." He sat down and leaned against the stone wall, resting his head in his hands.

Sirius left him and walked a little ways away.

"You think that he's being too dramatic, Moony?" he whispered, glancing around him, wondering if Remus had followed.

"Of course he is," Remus said from behind him. Sirius jumped and turned around, pulling the cloak off the top of his friend's head.

"You _know_ that you _don't _have to wear that thing yet. It might be a bit easier if I could _see_ you, you know," he growled through clenched teeth. Remus chuckled.

"I know. But I love freaking you out!"

Sirius glared. "Go put on your belly dancer costume, why don't you?" he said testily.

Remus blushed and looked away, as he really didn't have a comeback for that one. All week the guys, as well as various students he didn't even _know_, had been teasing him and cracking wise cracks about him. Oh - and maybe some of the teachers as well…OK! For Merlin's sake! The whole castle had been going on about it! Sirius especially.

At one point, Remus had decided to mention that _Sirius_ had been the one to put it _on_ him, but that didn't seem to make much of a difference to anyone; as Sirius had denied it wholeheartedly.

"Very mature, Padfoot. _Very_ mature," Remus scorned. He had even laughed at himself at first, but now the joke was just plain irritating.

"Fine, fine, fine. Just promise not to make me look stupid again." He hung his head and pouted.

"Sirius, I hate to be the one to tell you, but you make _yourself_ look stupid. _I _don't have anything to do with it."

"I'm going to forget that you said that. Now, back to what we were saying before."

"What _were_ we saying before?" Remus replied, all belly dancer remarks forgotten.

"WAIT!" Remus and Sirius jumped as James suddenly shot up, and looked wide eyed at them. "What if she's hurt? What if something's happened to her?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "She's not hurt Prongs. Just try and relax for a minute or so, ok? If she's not here in…." he looked at his watch. "Five minutes, then you can go look for her, alright? But until then, I want you to sit back down and breathe, ok? Good boy."

James sat down and looked around him, hoping to see Lily coming down the corridor.

"Mate, you have GOT to stop stressing, ok? Or else Lily is going to see you all nervous, flip out, and then you won't even get to test out my plan. You got it?" Sirius put his hands on his hips and looked down at James in a motherly manner.

"Like not being able to test out your plan is the worst thing that could happen," he grumbled in reply.

-----

Lily mumbled incoherently as the sun hit her face. For some reason, she felt like she had been lying in bed for hours. You know the feeling you get in your body after you've been sick and you've just been sitting on the couch for three days? Yeah; that was the feeling.

Rubbing her eyes, she straightened up. "Why do I feel so stiff?"

The dormitory was dead quiet as Lily pulled back the hangings, fumbling blearily.

"Oh no."

"Merlin! It's 10:25"

Unbeknownst to Lily, she had fallen back asleep, and had slept for another three hours.

"I'm supposed to meet James in five minutes! That's not even enough time to get to the Great Hall!"

Lily rushed around, haphazardly throwing things on and attempting to get a few swipes of mascara on her lashes. (At some point she put her pants on backwards and was almost out the door before she noticed.) She came back twice, once to brush her hair (as she had caught sight of herself in one of the Gryffindor mirrors, and another time to get her bag of money. Luckily, she had remembered her wand and her shoes; though she had forgotten socks and wouldn't even notice until she was several minutes away from the common room.

Lily cursed her roommates for not waking her up as she flew down flights of stairs, dodged students, cursed Peeves, and tripped over Mrs. Norris (which left her sprawled at the feet of Filch, the caretaker. But she quickly got rid of him by using a strategically placed leg locker curse. Hey! A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!).

But she met her match when she rammed into the one and only: Malfoy.

He looked down at her sprawled out form with a smirk. "In a hurry, are we?"

She stood and brushed herself off, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. She also carefully placed her feet as to give herself more balance. Encounters with Malfoy were rarely without wand use.

"Actually, I am." Lily snapped, and tried to walk around him, but he stepped in front of her.

"Not so fast. You know, Evans, for a Mudblood, you are quite confident in your abilities." He gave her one of his piercing glares (A classic combination of a smirk and a weird eyebrow look). He was famous for them.

"You know, Malfoy, for a Slytherin, you are quiet confident in your 'abilities' to be intimidating. I guess you just haven't mastered the art yet; though you'd think you would have by now. I mean, it _has_ been seven years." Lily gave a smirk of her own.

She probably shouldn't have said anything. She should have just got past him and gone to the Great Hall to meet James. But being a Gryffindor, there was no way that she would pass up an opportunity to insult a Slytherin. Especially Malfoy.

She actually always _had _been intimidated by him; which was just one reason why she hated him so much. Not very many people could scare her, but this particular bone chilling, suspected Death Eater was one of the select few.

Malfoy's smirk turned into an angry frown. "You should watch your mouth, _Mudblood_." He pronounced the word as though it was vile and ugly even for _him_ to say.

But this did not faze Lily for a second. Apart from hearing it quite a lot, she was too focused on preparing herself for a fight. It really was unfortunate that she was alone.

He drew his wand, just as she drew her own.

"It really just is not my morning, is it?" she thought to herself.

* * *

**Author Notes**

Hi! Thanks for bearing with me on that one everyone! I've been lost in poetry land for the past six months and have written about zero stories so I'm a little bit rusty. Hope you enjoyed! And before you run off to real life, be a dear and press the little purple button down there. A little bit more to the left….there you go!

Luv u all!

-drumer girl


	6. Of Unwanted Heroes and Trashbins

**XxXxXx XxXxXx XxXxXx XxXxXx XxXxXx XxXxXx XxXxXx**

**Chapter Six: Of Unwanted Heroes and Trash-bins**

**By: Celina Black**

**XxXxXx XxXxXx XxXxXx XxXxXx XxXxXx XxXxXx XxXxXx**

_Peachy. Just peachy._

Grumbling to herself, Lily struggled to paste a threatening look on her face while her instinct roared at her to get the hell out of there. She _knew _Malfoy was a Dark-Arts fanatic and probably memorized the load of them, perhaps hoping to get the chance to use them on someone. And just her luck that he decided she was a suitable target.

"Oh, goody. I finally get to try out my newest spell. It's for castration. I found it in a book called, '_How to Make Pale-Faced Prats_ _Screech'_. Rather interesting read, actually," Lily wildly invented. Her hand gripped her wand tighter, preparing herself.

_Just act like Potter. No, do _not _ruffle your hair. ACT CONFIDENT, WOMAN!_

"Is that so?" Malfoy coolly replied, looking a tad paler than usual.

"Oh, yes. Shall we begin? I'm a bit late for an appointment as is."

Malfoy, looking decidedly uneasy, sneered, "Why on Earth would I want to duel with a pathetic little Mudblood? If I want to waste my time, I'll waste it in a way that's actually useful."

Lily was about to point out that wasting time usefully was an oxymoron and paradox, but decided to not press her luck. Her grammatical inner-sense would get her killed.

"Are you sure? I'm positive you won't need yours anytime soon, seeing as how all girls find you utterly repulsive." Lily sighed, as if turning away from the duel was a disappointment. She mentally kicked herself. If not her grammatical inner-sense, then her sarcasm would be sure to get her killed.

Malfoy flushed, a slight pinkish tinge rising in his cheeks and neck and he snapped, "I've plenty of girls wanting to be with me. They find me quite attractive-"

"Is that so?" Lily dryly asked. She couldn't think of anyone she would want to be with less, and knew every other sane girl probably agreed whole-heartedly. Chicks didn't really dig pale, evil worms last time she checked.

"Is that before or after you perform the Imperius on them?" Lily quipped.

Eyes flashing, Malfoy raised his wand, "Give me one reason more and I'll hex the-"

"Did someone summon a hero? _Stupefy_!" A loud, obnoxious voice broke the tension between the two. Lily rolled her eyes, not bothering to turn around. She'd know that annoying little twit's voice even if she was deaf.

Heh. She cracked herself up, really.

A dull thump on the floor announced that Potter's target had fallen.

"Potter. Why am I not surprised?" Lily muttered, wondering if he had some sort of radar on her. If he didn't, he had an uncanny sense of where she was all the time.

He probably had some stupid map so he could stalk her everyday.

"Lily! I was so worried because you didn't show up and you're always on time except for that time when you were sick and had to go to the Hospital Wing but even then you turned in all your homework assignments earlier than half the class-" Potter babbled nervously.

"Merlin, Potter, take a _breath_."

"So, er, why're you late?"

"Well, if you must know, you and your raucous friends woke me up at five with your infernal noise and I fell back asleep and overslept. And now that we're all caught up, can we go?" Lily impatiently tapped her polished shoe on the floor.

Bemused, James shrugged, "Alright. Where to first?"

"Er, _Dueling Supplies _would be the logical answer."

Beaming, James agreed, "Wonderful. Let's move on, shall we?"

As the two started walking towards the doors, the stiff figure on the floor groaned mentally, cursing a certain messy-haired prat for messing up his perfectly gelled hair.

---

Lily was not a Potter expert.

Although he had an unhealthy obsession with finding out every detail about her life, she simply couldn't care less about his, so long as he stayed away from hers.

Despite her lack of expertise, she could tell that Potter was acting strangely.

Well, stranger than usual.

For example, he kept glancing around them with narrowed eyes, staring determinedly at random places until he was satisfied and turned his attention to another place. Several times, Lily had followed his line of sight but saw nothing.

Who knew? Perhaps he was going mad.

However, he was quiet for the most part, content with following her and staring at random places. And it was an improvement over his constant tirade of bad pick-up lines and proposals.

But when he tripped over his feet for the fifth time, she exploded, "Merlin, Potter! What do you think you're doing! You haven't been looking where you're going because you've been too busy staring at empty space! What? Are you seeing dead people? Are you little friends playing hide-and-seek?"

Nervously, Potter mentioned, "My friends? They're not here. Why'd they be here? Nope, it's just us two. You and me. Me and you. Nobody else, especially my friends."

"Thank you for enlightening me."

She stopped suddenly, watching with slight amusement as Potter tripped over a tree root, and enjoyed the look of surprise mingled with shock as his face became better acquainted with the pavement.

Heaving a sigh, she stepped into the dingy store, blinking as her eyes became used to the poor lighting.

"There be anything you're wanting, Miss?" A gravelly voice called out.

She turned to see a stooped, old man with twinkling eyes, a kind face, and really bad teeth.

"Yes. I'm from Hogwarts. Professor McGonagall was wanting these for the dueling club." Reaching into her pocket, she placed the list in front of him.

"I see. Let me jus' get you the things…" He growled, stomping over to the back.

"LILY! LILY!" Potter's alarmed voice rang out. The two turned to see James running around wildly, searching for her presumably.

"That be you?"

"Never seen him before in my life."

Finally, Potter hurtled into the store and grinned, "Found you! Have you gotten the stuff, yet?"

Lily looked pointedly at where the owner was gathering supplies, a knowing smile on his old and cracked lips. It looked a bit painful.

"Ah, right. Well, while he's getting it together, shall we stop for butterbeer?"

_Well, I can stay here with an old man who might have been a pirate in a past life. Or, I could drink warm butterbeer, although Potter would probably blabber on the whole time._

"Let's go."

---

Assuring Lily he'd be right back with her drink, James left her at the table and hurried over to the trash bin in the corner.

"Moony?" He asked anxiously, screwing up his face in disgust when the stench wafted into his nose, withering up all his nose-hairs with its foul scent.

Remus's head lifted from inside the bin and he hissed, "I hate you, Prongs. I think my nose has gone _numb_." He lifted his hand accusingly, a squelching noise resulting. James bit back a smirk and Remus glared at him, scowling. For him, hygiene was of utmost importance and hiding in a trash bin filled with God-knows-what was _not _his idea of fun.

"Okay, get a butterbeer and a few chocolate biscuits. She likes those. Make sure they aren't filled with cream. Even if she wants to pay for them, don't let her. Insist that you pay to… er… make up for all the times you've aggravated her," Remus instructed.

"And stop looking around for me. I'm not going to take off the cloak and say 'boo'. And I reckon Lily thinks you're going mad. Make pleasant conversation with her instead of looking around like an idiot."

James nodded, "Right, then. Can I ask her out?"

Rolling his eyes, Remus picked a moldy banana peel out of his trousers, shuddering. "No. You'll kill everything."

"Can I tell her that her arse looks great in the skirt she's wearing?"

"No."

"How about a kiss for rescuing her from Gel-boy?"

"James. Go. Before I decide to kill you."

Sighing, James closed the bin's cover, not hearing the muffled swear-words erupting as Remus discovered that someone had vomited in the bin recently and, judging by the slickness under his arse, he was currently sitting on it.

For the millionth time, he cursed Sirius Black and his "brilliant" plan, which consisted of Remus following the pair to Hogsmeade under the Invisibility cloak and hiding in the trash bin so he could tell James how to act so Lily wouldn't murder him. Remus would've just stood in the corner with his cloak on, but there was always the risk of someone bumping into him.

It was a miracle he had discovered the Malfoy dot on the Map, and he had told James to go help her just in time.

Groaning, he thrust his hand down the back of his shirt and pulled out what might have been a bologna sandwich in a past life, but now resembled a moss-covered rock.

---

"Well, here's where we part," Lily announced, stepping into the Common Room. Potter followed her, stumbling a bit as his foot got caught. Scowling, he pushed himself in, and fell onto the floor with a groan.

Observing this, Lily's lips quirked up into a smile. He was cute, really, especially when he wasn't trying to impress her. He was like a little boy, except with muscles and reasonably attractive features.

"So, er, that wasn't completely a disaster, was it?" Potter asked anxiously, standing up.

Lily shrugged, "Well, you _did _act like a lunatic, but you did buy me butterbeer and biscuits. That's a definite plus, by the way. And you did carry all the bags… I'll give today an E. You definitely exceeded my expectations, James."

His face broke out into a huge smile and he pressed a kiss onto her cheek. Then, whooping loudly, he proceeded to dance around the room. The victory dance, consisting of exaggerated pelvic thrusts and hip wagging, was definitely traumatizing, but Lily didn't notice.

She was too busy touching her cheek where Potter had kissed her.

---

**Hey!**

**Celina Black here…well, I'm sorry for the huge delay. I've been working on my stories and well…time just flew right past.**

**Anyways, keep reading Fork in the Eye and until the next time I write…**

**Adios, mis amigos buenos!**

**See the review button? Click on it. Write a line. Press Enter.**

**Good job.**

**Kisses,**

**Celina Black**


	7. Of Plots and Potions

**A/N**: It is I, Jestin! The author of the first chapter! The Round Robin Ducklings have done a full circle now. We have all written a chapter, and done a full loop of six, and now we're onto the second round. Judging by the amazing feedback we have gotten from you readers, you've liked it so far. :D

However, because one or two of you voiced that we update too late (we're sorry!), and complained that you had to go and reread everything AGAIN, we've created the '_Last Episode Review'_ - which basically tells you…

**What Happened Last Time on: "A Fork in an Eye": **

Leaving Malfoy groaning in pain, the Head Boy and Girl went off to do McGonagall's Dueling Club shopping in Hogsmeade. However, this being the perfect opportunity for James to prove himself, a part of Sirius's "brilliant plan" was carried out - the pair were followed by an invisible Remus, who tried desperately to make James seem tolerable - giving Prongs whispered advice from under the cloak. Surprisingly, it seemed to have worked quite well, because when Lily and James got back to the tower - Lily realised that she actually had had a decent time with this new, modest, James. And then :cue gasp: Lil's got a little kiss on the cheek - which affected her a little too much to be normal…

* * *

Chapter 7: Of Plots and Potions  
**By Jestin

* * *

**

Lily held her cheek in a daze where James's lips had been moments before. She vaguely noted that the all Gryffindor common room occupants were watching her closely for her reaction, and that Sirius Black had stopped play Kung Fu fighting with a very reluctant Peter to watch the coming explosion.

After all, James Potter - irritation and arse epitomised - had just _kissed_ Lily Evans on the cheek. She was bound to scream.

It was etched in the laws of nature.

However, much to everyone's shock, the tantrum didn't come.

No shouting about personal space or hygiene, none of the usual sniping, or the "I only date within my own species, Potter, so don't try" lines.

None.

Nothing.

Instead, Lily just spun around on her heel, marched straight out of the suddenly silent common room, up the girl's staircases, and walked right into Lucy Summers, who was on her way down.

--------

Lucy had been uncharacteristically friendly to Lily all week, ever since the distinctly embarrassing Astronomy Tower incident.

As much as Lily tried to avoid her, (which she did - Lily's friend Grace was always complaining bitterly about the secret routes and dodging techniques that Lily had suddenly employed), Lucy always seemed to pop up at the most inconvenient of times, take now, for instance, when Lily's mind was not the most structured of places.

_Potter. Odd. Kiss._

"Lily!" Lucy said brightly, and gave her a wide smile, which Lily returned reluctantly; trying to block out the excruciatingly accurate memory of Lucy and James attached at the lips, which seemed to pop up in her mind whenever she saw the girl.

_Lips._

"Summers," said Lily monotonously, and made to move past, but found, irritatingly enough, that she couldn't, as Lucy wouldn't budge.

"I've been wanting to talk to you for a while, Lily," Lucy said, grinning again in that annoyingly happy manner of hers, "but you seem to be a very hard woman to get hold of."

Lily mumbled, and made to walk off, but her arm was taken hold of, and there was nothing she could do (without seeming rude) than and allow herself to be dragged up the stairs by a persistent Lucy, jabbering on about something inane all the way.

_She's going to take me into her room and poison me_, Lily predicted duly as she was steered into an empty dorm room, and Lucy shut the door behind them.

_Someone is going to find me here in ten days time, bound up and starved, with only rats for company..._

"Lily?"

"Sorry, what?"

Lucy nodded knowingly, and motioned Lily to sit down on the bed, which she did gratefully, feeling drained.

_She's too bloody nice. _

_Maybe it's all part of the murderous plan._

"I asked you if anything happened between James and you this afternoon - he told me that you two were going to Hogsmeade together."

"What?" Lily asked, genuinely surprised, all imaginative murders flying away at once, and arriving back on earth with a bump. "Why would anything have happened between us?"

She paused before answering, her expression unreadable. "Well - was he acting oddly?"

Lily thought about it. Come to think of it now, James was indeed acting incredibly oddly. He had been normal.

_Nice, even._

And incredibly fake.

The more Lily thought about it, the more she realised that in contrast to the spontaneity of the kiss on the cheek, Potter's behavior the entire morning had been decidedly forced. Phony.

Un-Potterish.

She had thought it was an improvement, at first - it was restful being around this modest and polite (yet strangely clumsy) James. Except thinking about it now, it _wasn't_ James.

Because the James Potter she knew had never behaved like that. The James Potter _she_ knew was an arrogant, annoying arse. In addition, he usually had a truly refined walk, something that annoyed Lily intensely, as she was always tripping over things.

She had never seen James trip before in her life.

Until today.

"He's gone mazy," said Lily aloud, astounded. "I mean - mad…Crazy. He's Barmy. Batty. Lost his marbles."

"I do admire your ability to think of such synonyms, Lily, but no - wrong answer." Lucy shook her head gravely, but her grin was etched firmly in place. "It's Sirius Black who has his marbles missing."

"Excuse me - what's this castration?"

Lucy ignored this, swung her flaxen hair out of her face, and plonked herself down on the bed next to Lily. Her hair was impossibly glossy, Lily noted with dispassion.

"Alright, Lily - the only reason why I'm doing this is because I'm a firm believer in sisterhood. Girls before boys, and all that jazz. Even though I'm doing someone a favour - "

_Of the sexual kind?_

" I still thought I'd give a bit of a warning. Because we're girls. We must stick together…"

Lily bit her cheek in impatience. This was not her idea of fun, and if one thing annoyed her above all others, it was people dodging around the point.

Apparently, Lucy enjoyed it.

"What I'm trying to say, is that you and Potter have been dancing around this for years-"

"Dancing around WHAT, exactly, Summers?"

"Nothing. It's just - Lily, if you really and truly don't want to get involved with James Potter?"

"YES?"

"Just watch out. Don't underestimate him."

"I couldn't possibly underestimate the sod - he really _is_ that shallow."

Lucy shook her head. "No. No, he's not. And if there's one thing you can grant him, it's the fact that he's determined…Lily…"

Lily looked at her, her head tilted, and her eyes narrowed.

"Lucy, _you're_ not still hung up on Potter, are you?"

Judging by the laughter that greeted this, Lucy wasn't.

"Lily-", Lucy giggled again, and shook her head. "I was _never_ hung up on Potter…The night of the Quidditch party? I've always thought he was sexy and all the rest-"

"Summers, Potter has the personality of a damp sponge and the appeal of a moldy sweat sock." She made a gagging noise to further implement her point, but the blonde ignored her.

"- But that night I just got carried away. I wanted to celebrate my first match as Seeker. We won! And fire whiskey does things, you know," she added airily, before grinning again. "But seriously, after that night, and after I saw how completely obbses-" She broke off, looking guilty. "I don't feel that way about him, Lily."

Funnily enough, Lily found that she believed her. "Alright…" she said grudgingly. "Now you dragged me here for a reason, I presume?."

"Yes, of course. Well, Lily…I know that…" She broke off again, chewing her lip.

"YES?" Lily didn't think she could stand this for another second. "Just tell me. Before I slit your throat."

_She hadn't meant to say_ that _out loud._

Still, Lucy just laughed. "James Potter is a man with a plan. Or rather a man, with another man's plan…The other man being his _best man_…"

"SUMMERS!"

_I left the womb for _this?

At last, Lucy seemed to get the picture. "Look, Lily, I can't tell you." She swatted her hand as Lily opened her mouth to respond. "Evans, I can't because I'm bound by trust-" At this, Lily snorted, "But I am giving you notice - there is plotting afoot, and you've noticed something's up-"

"James' ego?"

"Think, Lily."

"Listen, Summers, not to be rude, but I don't know, I don't care and it doesn't make any difference."

But she thought anyway.

_James and his personality change. His bastardy friends suddenly playing an intense interest in my matters. Potter acting normal. Sirius's constant whooping. The kiss on the cheek…_

Lily shook her head and sighed. The poor girl had become a victim of their evil regime. There was no reasoning behind their madness_.  
_

"It's nothing. They are just trying to make us think they're deep, but in reality they're psyches are as deep as a puddle."

Lucy, for some strange reason, looked oddly disappointed, and stood up.

"Alright," she said with resignation. "Alright, don't say I didn't warn you." And Lucy strode to the door and opened it, making to walk away. She stopped however, when Lily called her.

"Lucy, no offence, but how would _you_ know about this improbable crazy _plot_ anyhow?"

The girl gave a glum smile, and tilted her head sideways.

"Because I'm roped in it. Binded by trust. Involved."

And then she left, leaving a very confused Lily alone to wonder how everyone in the school had suddenly lost all the little sanity they once possessed.

--------

"Sirius, I don't think it's working…I mean Evans has barely noticed them together, and she won't because she hates his guts..."

"No, it's working. Summers and Prongs just need to get more 'up in it'."

"American lingo, again, Sirius."

"The puppies need to get more _cozy_."

He cocked an eyebrow.

"And, Moony, it will work. It'll work because it's my plan, and I'm Sirius-Man."

Remus sighed the long suffering sigh of one who knows better, but no-one listens to. "I'm skeptical of_ any_ plans of yours. That's_ twice_ you've deprecated my hygiene…Rubbish bins..." he muttered in disgust, but then raised his voice to normal levels again. "And I think 'The Plan' " - at this he raised his two fingers on each hand and mimicked quotation marks, "- is infuriating Lily more than 'lulling her into the deep throngs of _luuurve_.'"

Sirius looked offended. "Don't mock me, Moony. And it WILL WORK!" he shouted, slightly hysterical. "She's thinking about him, isn't she!"

Remus shrugged his shoulders, walked away from him, muttering darkly under his breath. "If thinking about chopping Prongs into little pieces and hiding them under the floorboards counts, then great. She's thinking about him."

"STOP MUMBLING!" Sirius roared after him, and suddenly looked downcast, and mumbled himself. "S'not polite."

--------

By the following morning, Lily's confusion had transgressed into immense aggravation.

She had been up all night helping her friend Grace study for the practical potions test, overslept this morning, and consequently had to miss her breakfast and usual morning coffee.

She was not a very happy woman.

The steam in the Potions classroom was almost overpowering. It clung to your clothes and made them damp and soggy; your skin became beaded with sweat, and your hair stuck to your forehead; lank and dirty looking.

Lily scowled into her potion as she stirred it ferociously anti-clockwise; her left hand holding back loose tendrils of red locks that were refusing to stay tucked behind her ears, and her right was one-handedly scraping the bottom of her cauldron with a long wooden ladle.

Next to her, her Potions partner was breathing hard and fast through his rather beaky nose; his sallow skin shiny from the vapor, and his dark oily hair brushing the pages of his _Advanced Potion Making_ in which he so furiously scribbled.

"Snape, _must _you breathe so loudly?" snapped Lily, doing her best to conceal her scattered notes that were lying all over the desk and hold her hair back at the same time.

She was sure that he was sneaking glances at her work whenever she added the peppermint sprigs into the Veritaserum potion, which required her full attention.

"I honestly thought all this steam would have cleared _up_ your sinuses."

Severus ignored her, and continued to write, although Lily thought it was with a lesser pace than before she hid her pages.

"I would like a little help here, please," she said, her voice even and well mannered, except her already red cheeks were slowly becoming scarlet.

"Snape?"

It really didn't improve her mood that Potter was partnered with Lucy Summers, and they were getting along annoyingly well. Although why exactly this bothered her, Lily did not know. Lucy chose this particular moment to ruffle James's hair for him

_What was new? The world hated her. You're born cold, wet and hungry. Then things get worse._

To add insult to injury, her usually co-operative Potions partner was choosing today, of all days, to be difficult.

"SNAPE!" Lily yelled, and then ashamedly lowered her voice. "Help me! This is OUR mark I'm solely saving here."

His head snapped up and he glared, but he grabbed the sliver dagger all the same and begun slicing the oleander leaves, although admittedly it was with a little more force than required.

As much as Lily protested that her bad temperament was solely because of her lack of sleep, breakfast and much needed caffeine, the real reason was much more interesting than that.

In reality, it was Potter that was making Lily so livid - James Potter and his un-Potterish behaviour was annoying her beyond belief.

Lucy's 'warnings' had wasted as much of her time as it had little sense - although Lily knew the girl was right with one thing: there was definitely something up. Potter was continuing to be infuriatingly modest, unnaturally polite, and strangely chivalrous, and, to Lily's annoyance, he was treating Lucy the same way. But with more _coziness_.

Lily scowled.

She couldn't stop thinking about it.

Which, in essence, meant she was thinking about Potter.

And she hated Potter.

She glared at the back of James's head over her cauldron, and noted to her displeasure that he was involved in a exuberant hug with Lucy

_Wanker_.

Snape consulted the text, and then pointed to the potion. "We have to wait two minutes whilst the crockleberries dissolve." Lily nodded and picked up her quill to add in some notes to the accompanying synopsis they had to write, but instead just sat on her stool, letting the quill feathers tickle the bottom of her chin.

She believed Lucy when she had said that she didn't like Potter romantically; however, a new thought was tormenting the redhead. Lily found herself wondering if perhaps it was the other way round: maybe _Potter_ was interested in _Lucy_?

The were both getting along marvelously and the was no doubt that she was pretty. Sirius Black had said only this morning that he would father her babies.

Lily had responded to this by shoving her wand accidentally-on-purpose up his left nostril.

She noted with satisfaction that it was still red looking, and was sporting a bandage.

"Lily, you ask me to help you, and then you stare blankly at our classmates. Is this some new Potion Princess technique that I should take note of?" Snape's upper lip was curled, and pointed to his watch. The two minutes were long up, and Lily tried her best to suppress the urge to beat him over the head with her cauldron.

"If you'll just sprinkle them in here, while I stir…" Lily said, as she tried desperately to hitch her face into an unconvincing smile.

"Sprinkle what in where, exactly, Evans?"

"The oleander leaves, Snape! In the cauldron!" Lily growled, and picked up his hand and shoved it on the said leaves. '"Now pick them up…Good…"

"Is there any real particular reason why you are being so short with me today, Evans?" Snape asked curtly as he threw a portion of the shredded leaves into her cauldron. "Or is it merely that Potter has infuriated you again, and for the next four hours you will bite everyone's head off whilst you make sure he knows you are angry?"

Lily stopped stirring to glare.

And then continued.

"Actually, _Severus_, I couldn't care whether Potter knew of my bad temperament or not ."

"You really couldn't care?"

"I really couldn't care."

Snape's upper lip curled as she pounded the spoon more resolutely into the cauldron. "That's reassuring to know." He bit, but his dark eyes were devoid of his usual coldness as they scanned the potions' contents, and then Lily's face, who looked up suddenly, and thrust the spoon into his hands. She motioned him to stir, and scooped up the chopped foliage that Snape had neglected. He simply sneered.

The near completed potion glistened silver, and as Slughorn waddled towards them, he let out a boom of approval.

"Bravo, Miss Evans, Mr. Snape! You're near done now!" He beamed down at his two star pupils, and his star pupils glared back.

She and Snape always had gotten along grudgingly, when forced to work together in sixth and seventh year as Potions partners. At times, Lily wanted to chop his head open with a machete, but in other strange circumstances, Lily found herself getting along with Snape quite well - he had an remarkably dry sense of humour, which Lily relished - and it was an added bonus was that James found the fact that they were on speaking terms highly irritating.

Lily cackled at the thought.

And then stopped when she saw Snape staring at her, a smirk creeping up onto his thin lips.

"I'd explain it to you, but your brain would implode," Lily said cattily, but he just sneered at her.

"Not the brightest crayon in the box, now, are we Evans? Your colours all been stolen by Summers?"

_I bet people wouldn't hate you so much if you didn't have a face that is registered as a biological weapon._

But Lily bit her tongue, and tried to control her involuntary twitching. She stirred the potion three times clockwise, and Snape sprinkled in the leaves. She sometimes wondered if Snape had anyone he really cared about, as much as Potions.

"And there we have it," murmured Snape, disrupting her thoughts.

She looking into the caldron, and there lay the completed potion, and a silver mist floated to the surface. After a month of preparation and stewing, they finally got it.

It lay clear and glistening, and Lily smiled truly for the first time that day.

"Veritaserum," breathed Lily, and scooped a little up in her ladle. "It's just the right density, too. Well done, Snape."

She nodded approvingly, but didn't see his reaction.

It was obscured by a sudden swish of black robes from the other side of the room, perfectly positioned hair (despite the steam) and a loud shout of "Superhero flies!", and Lily spun around to watch an impressive demonstration of desk jumping: two in a row.

Most unfortunately, when the he landed, (clearing the desks completely), Sirius Black lost his footing, and tumbled with surprising rapidity straight into their cauldron - and straight into the clear, water-like liquid that was the Veritaserum.

--------

'_Veritaserum - a truth serum so powerful that three drops would have you spilling your innermost secrets for this entire class to hear.' - Severus Snape GOF, Pg 148-149, British Edition._

--------

**A/N:** Sorry about the length, chaps - and if you're still reading, I love you! I haven't written for a while as I've been doing a lot of fanart, so I apologise if this is a little scratchy…: (

Next up, for her second round, is the brilliant ProcrastinatorStartin2moro - you all loved her first, so stay tuned for her second!

Oh, and let us know if the "Previous Episode Review" helped jog your memories at all at the start, so we know whether to do it again!

And once again guys, remember three "R's"! Read, Review…Recommend?

Best, Jestin


	8. In Which Sirius Blabbers More Than Usual

**What Happened Last Time on: "A Fork in an Eye": **After James Potter's lips come into contact with Lily's cheek; she does the bravest thing that comes to mind: she spins on her heel in true Lily Evans fashion. Soon after, she bumps into Lucy who tries to subtly tell her that there is a conspiracy going on, planned by one Sirius Black. However, clearly James Potter's lips have plagued her with bewilderment, leaving Lily understanding nothing Lucy is saying and wanting desperately to return to her mother's womb. Alas, classes must return after Hogsmeade fun, and Lily finds Potions going relatively well (if by 'relatively well' you mean 'absolutely dreadful' as she is partnered with Snape and sees James and Lucy yet again too cosy for comfort) until Sirius Black, amateur muggle super hero, looses his footing and tumbles into a cauldron of Veritaserum…

**Chapter 8: In which Sirius blabbers…more than usual **

– **By **_Procrastinatorstarting2moro_

Out of all the days for Sirius Black to loose his footing, today had been the ill-fated date. Of course, he couldn't have lost his footing and stumbled into a basket full of kittens, or a field of daises. No, Sirius had to fall into a cauldron. Always getting into such madcap situations, Remus had told Sirius, and Sirius was beginning to believe that statement was true, but could no longer ponder the assertion about his _un_usually_ un_stable_ un-_self as he fell forward and landed head-first into the cauldron of Veritaserum.

He was lucky the potion wasn't boiling and hadn't burnt off any of his handsome facial features (he has an exceptional nose, Peter tells him). It was moderately warm, Sirius noticed, like a cup of tea left too long on the bedside table; not hot, not cold, but not the right temperature to drink.

It also felt like drowning; a rather disturbing version of the bobbing-for-apples game at Halloween, where you dunk your head in punch searching for the apparent fruit that you eat a day (to keep the doctor away, no doubt) except Sirius found it particularly difficult to resurface.

His hands gripped the rim of the cauldron as he tried to pull his head out of the potion, but it was though it was _sucking_ at him. It felt strangely like that overenthusiastic Hufflepuff snogging him at the last Christmas party, or he could compare it to the same strong pull of a pensieve, which is a feeling he is particularly familiar with, as a curious yet troublesome child he'd plunged his head into his Uncle Alphard's pensieve and found himself before a rather _intimate_ scene involving his Aunt Elladora.

Eye contact between Sirius and that particular Aunt -also known as Lover-of-house-elf-beheading- had no longer been made since that day.

The potion flooded Sirius' ears, and as he opened his mouth to scream a "Bloody help me," he was a little disappointed that no humorous bubbles popped out, instead making a sort of strangled gurgle. Opening his mouth to scream for help was also foolish, seeing as masses of potion immediately gushed into his mouth as his lips parted, and Sirius _had_ to swallow the potion down, or he might just die and he had the overbearingly bigheaded feeling that people would miss him.

Suddenly, he was aware of a pair of hands gripping his hair and shoulders, pulling his head out of the cauldron. Once he reemerged into the classroom air, he gasped for breath while pushing his soggy hair rather handsomely out of his eyes. He made a familiar dog-like shake of himself, as though he'd just taken a dip of the local river.

"Padfoot?" Remus eyed him with noticeable concern. Apparently he was the one to jump to Sirius' aid and Sirius was extremely appreciative, nodding gratefully in return.

"Told you he wouldn't clear that cauldron," James told Peter smugly. Sighing, Peter handed his Sickles over to James.

"Are you alright, mate?" James asked Sirius eventually. Though an inappropriate bet had been made, Sirius' well-being did matter to James.

"_Is he_ _alright_?" Snape repeated his words in a dry manner. James' head snapped, turning to Snape with a familiar glower reserved just for him. "He better _not_ be alright considering he just contaminated our potion!" A look of fury graced his features, fuming as he examined their now 'impure' Veritaserum.

"Our potion will be fine, Snape," Lily told him with a firm look. Truthfully, she wanted Snape to be quiet because she was trying to focus her attention on Sirius, whose eyes looked glazed over all of a sudden. Lucy quickly noticed this.

"It looks like he's just been told breasts don't exist and it was purely a myth concocted by the imaginatively perverted."

James chuckled at Lucy's remark, and they both exchanged mischievous smiles, which Lily witnessed and hated from the roots of her red hair to her little-piggies-that-went-to-the-market-toes.

Sirius' eyes seemed to glaze over even more, his expression looking outmost deadpan, as though he were under a trance.

And then, it _all_ came out.

"No, I'm not alright," Sirius answered James' question finally, but in a flurry of words. "At this precise moment, I am explicitly annoyed that James and Peter betted on my normally unwavering self." He turned to Slughorn, looking unperturbed, "Professor, you are a fat midget, and that is entirely the truth."

Gasps were made by the entire class; how could Sirius say such a thing? Slughorn started, rather furiously, "Hang on, m'boy-"

"Remus," Sirius cut off the professor, looking at his bemused werewolf friend, "you have the nicest eyes."

Remus swallowed, "Er…what?"

"Snape," Sirius appeared to be in a roll, now addressing particular members of the class, "I hate you and I want to die. Now."

"Feeling's mutual, Black," Snape bit back.

"My trousers are too tight and they're constricting the area surrounding my crotch," Sirius continued, which the class commented with moderately unsettled outcries. "I haven't changed my underwear in the past four days. Doras," he turned to one of the fellow seventh years in the class, "You have the biggest buttocks I have ever seen. I imagine if you were ever to slap them, your hand would be swallowed up."

Doras actually had to be pinned to the floor by her friends so not to physically carry out any Unforgivable curses.

Sirius continued, not stopping for breath, "Lucy," the blonde eyed him wearily at the sound of her name, "Your boobs are too small-"

"WHAT?"

"-Peter, you have a real smelly perspiration problem."

"Hey!" Peter screeched, offended. It wasn't until he lifted up an arm, discovered a rather soggy armpit with an equally distasteful whiff to match, when he cringed.

"Slughorn," the professor made a rather annoyed glare that he'd been yet again on Sirius' target for honesty, "Merlin, if truth be told, everyone finds it uncomfortable when you ask about famous blood. _Stop it_. And shave your moustache. It's ridiculous-"

"Professor," Remus talked over Sirius as he continued to spill out the truth to the class, who either gasped in shock or repulsion, or giggled in delight at such revelations, "what exactly is going on?"

"The affects of the potion," Slughorn answered, looking a little irritated that his appearance had been verbally bashed in the past five minutes, "that's what's going on, m'boy." He tried to seek a way of cutting in to address Sirius, but found it difficult when Sirius wasn't even stopping for inhalation. "Black, how-"

"I've always wanted a tattoo on one of my butt cheeks - the right one. And I've always thought about growing a beard, the kind of one where you get food lost in it-"

"Black!" Sirius finally questioned at the professor's harsh voice. "How much of the Veritaserum did you consume?"

"Five hundred milliletres," he answered without hesitation.

Slughorn turned abruptly pale. "Oh my," he said quietly.

"Oh my?" James echoed. "Why 'oh my'?" he asked, and couldn't help but chuckle inwardly at such rhyming.

"Potter, a mere _drop_ of Veritaserum is enough to spill the truth tremendously," Slughorn explained, "Black here's consumed enough to reveal the truth without even being asked a question-"

Sirius grinned, "I smell my farts and I like them-"

"-There is an antidote, but it's rather difficult to make, not to mention this isn't highly a life or death situation to go to such trouble," Slughorn finished.

"How long will the potion last, Professor?" Remus asked, looking rather worried.

"A few hours perhaps, or maybe more? I cannot say-"

"Lionel Lovegood is absolutely NUTS. I killed Frank Longbottom's pet frog by running it over with a luggage trolley-"

"HOW COULD YOU-?" Frank cried in horror.

"-I can't eat bananas because they resemble penises. I can't eat melons because they resemble bosoms. Remus is a w-"

James practically leaped into the air and knocked Sirius to the ground, clamping the palm of his hand over Sirius' mouth. Sirius continued to talk, but it only came out as muffled jargon. Peter glanced at Remus, who was visibly whitening in the face.

"Thanks for stopping our entertainment, James!" a classmate called from the back of the class in disappointment.

"I know," another agreed, "I wanted to hear Sirius reveal that Remus is a _woman_!"

At this comment, the class burst into laughter, while Professor Slughorn tried to shush them. James breathed a sigh of relief; no-one had expected what the real secret Sirius nearly exposed: Remus' fatal condition.

Snape, however, was different. He'd been smirking at Sirius' embarrassing divulged truths, until the particular start of one that James had interrupted. _That_ had been awfully suspicious. He kept silent, holding a suspicious gaze. What exactly was Lupin hiding?

Regrettably -to the Marauders- Lily appeared the same as Severus. James' actions had confused her immensely. The way he had so desperately silenced Sirius made her wonder what terrible secret Remus could be hiding. She tried to catch his eye, but Remus wasn't looking at _anyone_, instead looking sickeningly ill (partly due to the nearly earth-shattering exposure, and also because it was Full Moon that night).

"You better keep an eye on him, m'boy," Slughorn warned James. At this advice, James glanced worriedly at Sirius. James' hand was still clamped over his mouth, yet Sirius persisted to reveal the honest truth about the 'rather overrated pie' and his 'ambition to become King of England.' "He might end up spilling a secret that you don't want others to know."

Immediately, each Marauder blanched in turn. They had many secrets that needed to be hidden…

--------

It was a bizarre idea, but the boys had been desperate. Sirius was now plagued with speaking honestly -something odd for Sirius Black, usually a being of _dis_honesty- and he was now at risk at spilling truths out here, there, and everywhere. The Marauders had too much to loose if the school found out about their skeletons in the cupboard.

It was like verbal diarrhea, but of the truthful kind. Sirius could simply not stop talking (more than often). He didn't even need to be asked a question without revealing his true insight on a person.

Thus, for the remainder of the day, Sirius had been gagged with a sock to prevent him for blabbering. Remus had charmed the sock the flavour of chocolate, so the poor bloke wouldn't have to suffer what Remus guessed was a disgusting socky-taste. So far, Sirius hadn't choked on the sock…yet.

"I don't know how much I can take of this," Remus complained wearily, on their way to Herbology.

"It won't last much longer, Moony, trust me," James reassured him. He guessed how on edge Remus was now Sirius had required such blabbermouth qualities. "All we have to is keep an eye on him-"

"Sirius, my little flower petal!"

The Marauders jumped as they discovered Lily suddenly by their side, a mischievous smile on her face. They were particularly shocked at her sudden appearance, and the fact that Sirius had been called a _flower petal_, by _Lily Evans_.

"I've been looking everywhere for you, Sirius, dear!" Yet again, the Marauders gawked at her use of language. 'Dear'? Since when was Sirius considered precious? In fact, since when had Lily even addressed Sirius by his first name? "I've been meaning to have a chat with you." Looking like a rather wild animal, she latched on to Sirius' arm and he squeaked in terror.

"Oh no you don't!" James quickly saw through her plan and grabbed onto Sirius' other arm, tugging him his way. "You'll get nothing out of him! Quick, Wormtail!" he ordered Peter, who tore Sirius' arm out of Lily's grip and aided James in sprinting down the corridor, dragging the chocked-by-a-sock-Sirius with them.

_Damn it_, Lily cursed, watching them escape. She had been foiled yet again!

She didn't care how long it would take; she'd get Sirius alone and find out their secrets if it were the last thing she ever did.

-------

All day, Peter had been assigned to accompany Sirius on the toilet breaks. Sirius had protested immeasurably how he didn't need to be escorted "to the bog like some girl," but the Marauders were having none of it. Lily had tried at least seven attempted kidnappings on Sirius but they'd somehow narrowly managed to escape.

Much to Sirius and Peter's displeasure, they bumped into Severus Snape when turning a corridor. It looked like nothing was going to be said as the boys passed one another (the sock in Sirius' mouth being the well known factor), until Sirius twitched. Not being able to pass Snape without at least voicing some vicious remark, he pulled the sock out of his mouth and shouted at Snapes's retreating back, "If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!"

Sirius smirked, while Peter quickly shoved the sock back into his mouth as Snape retraced his steps back over to them.

"Please," he said wryly, "stop your wit, Black, or I may just pass out."

"When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening-"

Again, Peter shoved the sock back into Sirius' mouth.

A snort of mockery escaped Snape's nostrils as he eyed the sock. "I think dirtier things have been in your mouth, Black." Sirius seethed with anger, and watched Snape begin to circle them both with careful steps. "I know there's something about Lupin. I _know_ there is, Black. Others might be incredibly ignorant, but you nearly revealed something in the classroom about him." He leaned towards Sirius, with narrowed eyes. "I'll find out what it is eventually." On that note, he made a small sneer, before making his way down the corridor.

Sirius' fists clenched. He couldn't let him have the last word.

"Why don't you touch the knot on the Whomping Willow and find out, Snape?"

The words leaked out of Sirius' mouth so quickly. It'd seemed a good decision two seconds ago in his brain. Now, out in the open, he felt a pang of regret.

With a somewhat pleased look, Snape replied smugly, "I think I might just do that, Black."

The second Snape disappeared round a corner, Peter eyed Sirius with an apprehensive gaze.

"Not a word about this to Prongs, Wormtail. It's our secret."

With a slightly culpable expression, Sirius stuffed the sock back in his mouth, and they continued the walk to the bathroom in silence.

--------

Peter gazed outside the common room window.

He'd always been good at keep secrets, so when Sirius tells him not to enlighten James about the incident with Snape, he doesn't, because it's a secret, and he doesn't blab because that would be breaking the rules; remain loyal as a Marauder through thick and thin.

So, instead, he sat in the common room, staring -not really staring at anything particular, just staring-as he waited for James and Sirius to get back from the kitchens for a quick feast before their Full Moon adventures.

The boys always relied on Peter to keep a secret. Others in the castle might call him a doormat, but to the Marauders he was a loyal ally. He was the one who kept silent - the one James went to first after not only discovering he liked girls, but liked the most difficult one: Lily Evans.

They tell him the secrets and he listens. You could even call him a Secret Keeper…

Until he spots Severus Snape, through the common room window, crossing Hogwarts grounds to the Whomping Willow.

Looking intently, Peter rose in his seat.

Secret Keeper he was no longer.

--------

"Have you seen Black anywhere?"

Lily's friend, Grace, eyed her wearily in the common room. "Why do you want to know, Lily?"

"Because I need him to blab Potter's secrets!"

At this revelation, Grace made a rather exhausted yawn. "Why do you even care about Potter's secrets? I thought you didn't like him."

"I don't!"

"Then why are you bothering with all of this?"

Lily's voice became quieter; a little embarrassed, even. "I need to find out whether he likes Lucy or not."

Grace arched an eyebrow. "And why do you want to know that?"

"Because….because they're on the same Quidditch team! Can you imagine the mess that would occur if they dated and broke up, splitting up the team? Am I the only one who cares about Quidditch?"

"You don't even like Quidditch, Lily."

Naturally, Lily ignored her. "Have you seen him?" she asked again.

Grace heaved a sigh. "He went to the kitchens with James."

It was barely seconds before Lily had rushed through the portrait hole. A few minutes later after some rather manic running, she tickled the portrait of the fruit and entered the kitchens. James and Sirius froze in alarm at her appearance, lounging in the kitchens, nibbling on fairy cakes. Instantaneously, James shoved the sock into Sirius' mouth, half way through eating icing.

"What do you want?" James asked her, rising in his seat and already running a hand through his messy hair as though it was as common as the greeting of waving.

"I want to talk with my little flower petal, Sirius-" Lily started.

"Bollocks," James dismissed.

At once, Lily's eyes filled with rage. "He'll tell me whether you like it or not!" She crossed the kitchens and lunged out to grab Sirius' sock from his mouth, but James tackled her to the ground. Lily made an outcry as the wind was knocked out of her, smacking backwards on the tiled floor. A crowd of house elves circled them.

"Get off me, Potter!" Lily kicked out her legs, currently pinned to the ground. She didn't like the tingly feelings she was getting about such close contact, and the pleasant thought of him wanting to kiss her cheek again -or more accurately, her lips.

"Why not take your attention off Sirius and on me?" James winked.

At once, Lily kneed him in the groin and he fell sideways, crying out in agony.

"Run, Padfoot!" he managed to squeak.

Sirius tried to escape through the portrait hole, but Lily had sprung from the floor and grabbed him by the neck, forcing him into a headlock. Grinning triumphantly, she seized the sock from Sirius' mouth and he immediately started to talk.

"James was only extra friendly with Lucy to make you jealous-!"

Lily's eyes lit up with delight.

"Shut up, Padfoot!" James warned him.

"-In Hogsmeade, Remus hid in a trash bin and told James what to say and how to act!"

Lily's smile fell as she looked at James, who was heating in the face.

"Padfoot, put the sock back in your mouth and-"

"_We're animagi and Remus is a werewolf_!"

The second the words spurted out of Sirius' mouth, he gasped and closed his mouth with the palm of his hand.

Gawking, Lily sputtered, "You're…He's….He's a _what_?"

"James!" a cry came from the portrait hole and the three turned to see Peter, equally as alarmed. "Snape's gone to the Shrieking Shack!"

Sirius shut his eyes in regret, while James' eyes widened as he muttered a horrified, "Oh no."

He glimpsed at the gaping Lily; shot her an apologetic look, and darted out of the kitchens, leaving Lily to subside on to the bench of one of the empty tables at such bombshell, while surrounded house elves offered her pudding.

**A/N:** And my chapter's done! Phew. If you enjoyed, please review! Us ducklings would deeply appreciate it.

Also, thanks to the beta Michelle. She's a lovely papoose.

Next chapter is by the wonderful **Weird Not Boring**, so stay tuned everyone!


	9. The Problem with Pancakes and Pudding

**What Happened Last Time on: "A Fork in an Eye"** In a brave act of Gryffindor Stup- bravery, Sirius jumped into a cauldron full of just-brewed veritaserum, completely submerging himself, and therefore being forced, because of the amount of potion he consumed, to tell the absolute truth, even when not asked a question. This meant that Sirius would easily spill all of the marauder's secrets if they didn't keep an eye on him. Lily, determined to find out if James liked Lucy for real, plagued Sirius for the rest of the day, trying to find out this, and any other Top Secret Marauder secrets she could. The Marauders, seeing the need to guard Sirius at all times, placed Peter at Sirius' side, as his guard. While walking together, Peter and Sirius met Snape, and Sirius told Snape about the Whomping Willow. Sirius made Peter swear he won't tell anyone he did that, however, a few hours after, Peter spotted Snape walking towards the Whomping Willow and ran off to find James, who was in the kitchens with Sirius and Lily. Just before Peter ran in, Sirius told Lily that James was only going out with Lucy to make Lily jealous, and that Remus is a werewolf and they are all animagi. Lily gasped, Peter ran in, told James what he sees, and James ran off with Sirius, leaving Lily all by her lonesome.

* * *

**_The Problem with Pancakes and Pudding._**

**_By_ Weird Not Boring**

Lily watched James rush out the open portrait hole in shock. She could feel her brain working. She _knew_ it was trying to tell her something. What that something was, she had no clue. Maybe it had something to do with Sirius and ... what did he say again? Something about Remus and ... Oh bugger.

Jolted out of her stupor, Lily looked around frantically. _Remus is a werewolf and Snape is headed down to the Shrieking Shack where Remus is most likely hidden and it's almost time for the moon to rise! _Lily could feel her body shaking and twitching while a panic attack began to form. _Sirius, Peter and James are headed after them to try and save the day and they are going to have to change to their Animangus forms and Snape will see and they all will be doomed to Azkaban! _Lily looked about and saw the frightened faces of the house elves around her as they took a couple steps away from her. _And they might be hurt because Remus or no Remus, he is a werewolf and you never know what werewolves will do, especially if Snape is there and oh bugger why are they so daft?_ Lily stood up, still looking about frantically as she tried to push away the one still persistent elf with his pudding, and she could start to feel her brain explode and oh bugger!

"Get away from me! I don't even like Tapioca!" she yelled, pushing the elf aside and running out of the portrait hole, leaving behind a kitchen full of very snubbed elves, who glared at the portrait hole door as it slammed shut before putting their very snubbed pudding away and continuing the various jobs that they had been in the middle of doing before the very strange Gryffindor girl had come barging in and they had to offer her said pudding.

"James!" the very strange Gryffindor girl yelled wildly, racing down the halls."You prat! You sodding piece of sod! Wait up!"

She flew down hall after hall, not sure exactly where she was going. She vaulted over a mewing Mrs.Norris just as she rounded the last corner.

"Well, well, well. I knew I would catch you someday!"

Lily skidded to a halt just before crashing into the scowling Filch.

"But sir. I don't know what you mean," she said, putting on her best I-am-innocent-and-you-know-it look..

"Don't play that trick on me, missy. I knew you weren't as perfect as you seemed!" Filch said, circling around her. "I've been waiting _years_ to catch you at large, and now I finally have."

"But Mr. Filch, you don't understand! I was just-"

"I understand perfectly," Filch said, waving a finger at her. "You were just disturbing the peace!"

"But-" Lily tried to object.

"No buts! Off to my office now! March!" Filch said, rounding her up, and pushing her in the direction of the office.

Lily Evans was completely ready to march after Filch to his office and accept her punishment, it was what she had been taught to do, after all, but as she turned around slowly, hands in the air, she was distracted by the sound of a howl coming from the direction of the Whomping Willow, bringing her back to the matter at hand._ Remus!_

Lily whipped around to face Filch. "No," she said. And in a great show of Gryffindor stup-bravery, she hexed him and ran for it.

* * *

"And when I was three I really, really didn't like Aunt Bartholomew's dress, but I had to say I did because Mother said I wouldn't get any chocolate if I didn't say something nice, and-" 

"Peter are you _sure_ you don't know where that sock is?" James asked Peter as they ran towards the Willow.

"No," Peter gasped out, huffing as he struggled to stay with Sirius and James. "I don't."

"And even though I was seven, I really was sure that I'd be the next Minister of Magic, because if Great Great Great Uncle Edmund could do it, I could-"

"Thank Merlin," James said, stopping. "We're finally here." He placed a hand over Sirius' mouth before saying. "Peter, transform!"

Peter already had, however, and was scurrying off towards the knot in the tree. James carefully leaned down and picked up Peter's clothes and wand for further use.

"You'd think the Potion would've worn off by now," James muttered to the still babbling Sirius as they watched Peter the rat dodge the branches. Sirius nodded, still babbling into James' hand.

James sighed, relaxing his grip on Sirius' mouth as they waited for Peter to tap the knot and stop the Willow. As soon as Peter made it, however, James tensed, ready to go. "Let's do this," he said, getting into what he thought was an appropriate fighting stance.

Even though his mouth was covered, James could still hear Sirius' laughter.

"Stuff it," he muttered, but at the same time let his hand off.

James tried to tune out Sirius' inane babbling as they ran towards the Willow, really, he did, but still made out something about glue and a boa and Bellatrix Black. James shook his head, hoping to clear away the mental pictures. _Ugh._

They reached Peter, ready to move onward, but Peter transformed again back into his normal self before they could head off.

"Augh!" Sirius and James said at once, shielding their eyes.

"Peter!" James said, looking away. "How many times do I have to tell you? When you transform back into a human, you will always be naked!"

Peter looked down and blushed, grabbing his clothes from James.

"We don't have time for this," Peter squeaked, for once being the voice of reason. It was ruined, however, by the sound of him zipping up his fly.

"We always have time for-" Sirius started in between his babbling but was stopped by a howl coming from just down the corridor they were standing at.

"The Shack! Remus!" Peter exclaimed, but James wasn't listening. He was completely absorbed in watching a girl run towards them with an incredible speed that he didn't think her capable of.

"Evans runs like a porpoise," Sirius said, just as James fainted.

* * *

"James ... James ... Wake up, James." James opened his eyes slowly to find a blurry red-headed angel hovering over him. 

"Lily?" He tried to say, but found that it came out more like "EEE?"

The angel nodded yes, and motioned somewhere he couldn't see.

"Lily, what are you doing?" James tried to say, but it came out in great hacking coughs as a big bucket of ice cold water was dumped onto him.

"OH!" James yelled, and jumped up in a attack position. He looked around, searching for the source of the cold water. He eyes landed on Peter, holding a huge spotted bucket. He wondered for a brief millisecond why the spots on the bucket were heart-shaped before jumping on Peter with a loud cry of war.

"POTTER! GET OFF OF PETTIGREW NOW!" Lily yelled. James, for once in his life, paid no attention to Lily Evans. He was only focussed on one idea: Kill the Worm.

"POTTER!" Lily yelled one more time. "SNAPE IS IN THE SHACK RIGHT NOW!"

That did it. James jumped up off of Peter and looked around. "What are we waiting for?" he asked of the three of them. "We've got a werewolf to save!" And James ran off heroically down the hallway.

"It's moments like these," Sirius said, because now the potion had worn off enough that he wasn't blathering as much as simply always telling the truth. "That I understand why the Sorting Hat proclaimed James a Gryffindor before James had even sat down upon the stool."

Peter nodded and straightened himself up as Lily transfigured the bucket back into his sock. "Thanks," he muttered, taking it back.

Lily said, "No problem." just as they all heard a large crash coming from somewhere down the dark passageway in front of them.

Peter and Sirius shared a look before running off, not hesitating, as if they had just remembered what they were there for.

Lily stood by herself in the crack of light that had made its way through the roots of the Willow and pondered for a moment whether she was really going to be stupid enough to race off after them. She nodded - yes, yes she was - before muttering, "Boys," and taking off.

When she reached the others at the very end of the passageway, Lily was astonished to find mass confusion. Well, not astonished, per se, she had actually expected it, but she was astonished to find it this much mass-confusioned - if that was even a word.

She had arrived just in time to find Sirius jumping onto Snape's back in a move that rather reminded her of the professional wrestling her uncle liked to watch whenever she and Petunia visited him. Which made her also think of her uncle's toupee, but she was quickly brought back to the matter at hand when she heard James' howl of pain, and realized that Snape had been on top of James when Sirius had jumped on top of him and had then been squashed like a pancake when Sirius had jumped on top of them both. He retaliated by jabbing Sirius in the ribs with the hand that hadn't been crushed underneath him.

"Stop it!" Lily commanded in all her I-am-Head-Girl-hear-me-roar glory, but it didn't make much difference, as the three boys continued to fight with each other. Lily glanced over at Peter, hoping he'd do something, but it seemed she was out of luck. Peter stood away from the pile, slowly backing away towards the hatch leading up to the actual shack itself, looking as though he knew he should jump in himself to help his friends, but would much rather be somewhere warm and comfortable, like the Kitchens, or the Common Room, doing something much safer, like drinking tea or playing jacks.

"Stop it!"Lily yelled again just as Sirius retaliated by punching Snape in the nose. "Honestly! You're all wizards! This is disgusting!" She looked around, exasperated, not sure what to do, just as Snape kicked Sirius in the groin and James kicked Snape in the shin, and both boys let out a howl of pain, and Lily couldn't take it any longer.

"That's it!" she said, reaching over, pulling at Sirius, attempting to extricate him from the heap. Her plan greatly backfired, however, as Snape, who had reached up to pull something of Sirius' out of it's socket, reached Lily's arm instead, and pulled, hard, tugging Lily onto the pile. "UGHHHH!" she yelled before beginning to kick and claw and punch at them, joining in the fighting as well.

It was at this moment that Peter chose to act. He knew he had to do something now, (since he was the only one who was not being squashed like a pancake at that very moment) and, instead of jumping onto the pile of seventh years, (or just right on top of Lily, if you prefer) like any normal, self respecting, act-first-think-later Gryffindor would do, (i.e. James, Lily, Sirius, etc.), he whipped out his wand and cast the first spell that came to mind. "Obliviate!" he exclaimed, and miraculously moved his wand in the correct motion Flitwick had shown them only days before.

He even managed to get the spell to go exactly where he wanted it to go, even though it didn't exactly hit the intended person. He _had_ been aiming at Snape, honestly, he had been. It wasn't Peter's fault that Sirius had bucked Lily off his back, causing her to fall to the floor at the exact moment he had fired the spell. And, therefore, it was not Peter's fault that Lily had been the one hit with the spell, and definitely not his fault that she was looking around the area, very confused, as if she had no idea who she was, or where she was.

Yet Peter knew that these types of things always had a way of being blamed on him, anyway.

* * *

A/N: I really am sorry about how long this took me, but I do hope you enjoyed it. Next up is **_Daisy Penifold, so don't go away! Ha ha ..._**


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